grey as blog

grey as sun

Thursday, June 22, 2006

decompress

I'm having trouble relaxing lately. There's too many things going on that are outside of my control at the moment. Let's go down what's going on (if you don't care, then go to the bottom where I've blogged about other crap):

1) Condo: What a pain... I'm getting the first time buyer jitters, and that's just no good. Taylor is finally moved out, and now I just have to move stuff around, get my old furniture out of storage and try to make the place look good while I contemplate my next move with painting or whatever. Who knows what will happen, I'm just so done with it mentally, though.

2) Dog: Lou is a suburbs dog. He's used to having a collar that keeps him in the yard, which allows him to be let out anytime to run around and have fun. Because there isn't one of those here in the city, his walks are limited to my street, and because he does not get along well with other dogs, I can't take him to any dog parks. I feel guilty leaving him home alone, and when I'm out all night, even if I walk him beforehand and come home early in the morning to walk and feed him, I still feel guilty. He also fought with Brian's dog, Racecar, so now I get really edgy about them being together. I think I was supposed to have him until July 8 or 9, but I think that I'm going to give him back to them next Thursday when they get back from Philly and before they leave for Arkansas (they'll be back for one day, and might just take him with them down there).

3) School: This isn't stressing me out too much now that I'm out for summer, but I think that taking a summer class (which ended last week) postponed my typical school-break-depression, which lasts a week or 2. I get these because I don't know what to do with myself once school is done, cause it's GO GO GO school work, and then it just STOPS. I don't know if that's a part of all this, but I certainly can't discount it.

4) Work: My job is not what I'm doing for my career. What I'm doing for my career has me freelancing for Minibar. I don't feel like there's enough stability in either of those 2, and it's leaving me with this out-of-control feeling that I've not had for a while. I talked with my friend Amanda about getting me a new design gig, but the fact that I'm in school has me in a tough spot. I can't go forward in this position, I can't get a different position doing what I'm doing now since design is my career path, and I can't get a design gig because I'm still in school, even though I know I could blow the pants off half the designers out there right now. It'll all work out, and I'm not crazy worried about it, but it's something that's been in the back of my head for quite some time now. For now, I need to get all my work into a portfolio, get my design site updated and update the grey as sun website. Speaking of that...

5) Music: Oh the turmoil in my head about this stuff... I have good base songs, but need people to give me feedback and ideas - CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. Telling me that it's good or it's bad doesn't really tell me much, I need someone familiar with the ins and outs of making music to really delve into what's what. Eventually, I will bug Brian about this, as he's agreed to critique my lyrics and help with the musical aspect. For now, I think I should get the other stuff under control first...

6) Personal: Brian is awesome, and it's been just over a month since we started hanging out. There really isn't much else to report on that, other than things seem to be going well and I'm just going with it as it goes. I think that having everything else being kind of out of my control is leaving me a bit fragile and insecure, and perhaps that's why I mentioned this, but I know that it's all in my head and I'm not crazy worried about it (B, if you're reading this, ignore it, lol). Hopefully I'm not dumb and bring up "us" in some weird way... That would not be in my character, and probably not lead to good or constructive things.

7) Health: I haven't been going to the gym... It's been about a month and a half, which I think I will change tonight - Thursdays ARE the start of my rotation (Monday's, too, but we'll cross that bridge then). The gym helps me TREMENDOUSLY - If I could shout out to the world like Susan Powter did in the 90's, I would, and might, but that's a different story. I'm always a little more clear and confident after the gym. The last time I stopped this long from working out, I lost 10lbs, and low-and-behold, I've lost almost 10lbs. Time to gain them back!

8) Friends: It's come to my attention who my real friends are, and who they aren't. With being so busy with school, and my friends feeling like I ignore them, there are some I haven't spoken to in years. Some understand this, others do not. Some I've tried staying connected with, others purposely have avoided. It's always a concern of mine with my friends, cause they mean the world to me... I dunno, I need to start being a better friend I guess...

Anyway... EVEN WITH ALL THAT WORRY AND SHIT... Things are going okay. I know that it won't be hard to get things back under control, and I think I'm generally just kinda trying to get back into my groove. I'm noticing that my sense of humor is a little drier than normal (and not a good kind of dry) and that my lack of the gym is affecting my mood. It should be fine once I get back into the swing of things.

Brian said he knows a place where we can go go-carting! FUN!!! My high-school buddy Jeff had a little one that we used to ride around on his street, but then his mom freaked out and made him sell it or put it in storage or something. Needless to say, I want to go FO'SHO'!

I also still want to do my kayaking thing in the lincoln park boathouse - I see those guys every morning while I take the bus and it's making me want to see what it's all about. I guess I've just never done it before, so I want to do it, but then I'll probably find it boring and want to go skateboarding or something (which is another thing I want to get back into possibly). Some of my best memories are from skateboarding with the guys, but I was just such an angry teenager - I think that's why I stopped skateboarding... who knows - or cares... I just want to be active this summer :-! YEA! LET'S DO IT!!!

Thanks for listening to my rants people... Sometimes, I just have to put it all out there when it's too much in order to get a better perspective of how things are going, etc., etc. Let operation "take-back-control" commense.

commense - I need to start using that word more again.

Megan - We need to setup a date to food. Tell Crazy to gather the goods, and we'll plan for it once I pick up the chair and oddomon (oddoman? oddaman... hmmm, I'll look it up later)

Let's get BIZZZAYYYY!!!

posted by grey as mike @ 9:13 AM

1 Comments:

At June 24, 2006 3:38 AM, Megan said…

I believe it's ottoman. Like the empire. That shit was an answer on Jeopardy yesterday. You know I got it right.

Just in case you were wondering, I've not been able to hear much out of my right ear today. This happened only after I took a shower. It's fucking weird and I don't know what to do about it. I think the only solution is to never shower again.

HEY. We do need to food but DO NOT say anything to Crazy about it when you go out there tomorrow. She will get mad. She already said she needs to clean out that closet, so let's just give her her time and wait for it to happen. In the meantime we can think up things to write on old cans of frosting.