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Monday, October 02, 2006

dance

Forgive me for the... ummm, frankness of the following post - I'm in a talkin mood about my ponderings and shit - so deal!

1) I don't dance. I have said it before, and I will say it again - I was born to ROCK! Not dance... This only works to my detriment, since I seem to be the only male on earth that doesn't like to zone out to mindless drum and bass until the wee hours of the morning, and go home with whatever's still left at the bar afterward. Most of whom I have dated seem to find my replacement at such places when I let them loose for the night... So what do I do? Suck it up and go out dancing (and thus feel like a fool in the process)? Wait for someone that can deal without dancing all the time? Can I actually trust anyone that goes dancing often at this point? Stupid...

2) School sucks. I am NOT in a school frame of mind right now - I can barely afford it, and I don't even want to be there anymore. It's a necessary evil, and I just need to get through it, but I can't seem to shake this unmotivated feeling - it's like, I'm on auto-just-get-by-pilot. I barely clean up after myself at home (neither does chris, so I guess it's a good match so far, but I think it's because I'm not cleaning so he doesn't care to either). My room looks the same as it did when I just threw all the shit from my old room all over the floor. I have shit in the foyer that's been there for weeks, and I just can't seem to clean it. Sure, I do my laundry and take showers and eat, but my place is a slovenly hellhole that a year ago, would NOT be acceptable for living by my standards.

3) The gym is really my only savior at the moment. For the last 35 days, I have gone everyday - 6 different types of crunches, 4-7 lifting exercises for specific body parts, 10-20min of cardio. I've lost weight doing this, but I've also gained muscle... Right now, I'm about evened out, so I still have almost 20lbs to gain until I'm at my goal... 20lbs is almost 13% of my total body weight right now. That's a weird number to me... I guess nothing comes easy, as that is probably all my 20's have offered me - lessons that nothing comes easy, and working hard typically just breaks you even. *sigh*

4) Fall is my favorite season, and yet I have no one to enjoy it with. Low 60's is the best weather I could ask for - it's the only time of the year that I want to be outdoors and social... But all my friends are busy or dating someone, and I typically end up in front of the TV - watching my shows on Tivo - eating out of the tub of cottage cheese - drinking a Malibu and Sprite (Sprite ZERO these days) and waiting until I fall asleep for the night. This is the first fall I've had absolutely no dating prospects or anything...

I have to say, I miss B. I miss Brad, I miss Brian L., I miss Jerry... and what sucks is that they don't miss me back. Ain't that a bitch...

5) I don't seem to have any luck lately. I smashed my finger at the gym last week, shortly before the L broke down 4 times in the 1hr window that I was on the train. I bought some songs on iTunes that were 2 seconds off in the track split, which started an email war with iTunes support over the weekend. My friend Karl's friend Paul is dying... It just seems that bad luck is following me around. Kinda sucks...

I think that I'm just frustrated that things seem to be more up against me now than they've been in a REALLY long time. How long can I stay upbeat and look on the bright side? Even my horoscope said I should be introspective and figure out why my choices are wrong... not that I subscribe to that, but it's an odd thing. Most people think I don't look on the bright side. Am I just the one that they all look at and say "well, at least I'm not as fucked up as he is..." If I were to just shut up and agree with everything they say, would they just find the next guy that uses sarcasm and blame him for being the bitch in the group?

They actually have fights and leave restaurants in anger and all this, but I say that I hate dancing or forget a "thank you" and I'm the asshole that needs meds? Stupid...

Now that I've gotten all of THAT off of my chest...

My weekend was actually not that bad. Friday I went out with my friend Karl. I didn't see anyone, until David showed up, but that was right before we were leaving. Kind of sucks, I haven't had time to hang out with him since he got back from California, but whatever - in due time, it will happen. It was nice to see Karl have a good time, and I also met a few of the people that I Yachted with a couple months back, who I haven't seen since the yachting took place. They're fun people. Never a dull moment. One of them is since engaged, and that's awesome.

Saturday, I went to Karl's to teach him the VERY BASIC knowledge I have of flash. He has the books, but just needed someone to show him how to get started. I gave him the source files for my websites so he could play around and reference them if he needs to. Flash isn't hard to use once you get into it, but can get very complex very quickly. Needless...

I then met up with Bruno, Brent and Jason (Bruno's friend from Britain). Things were going swell, until Brent chipped part of a statue that Bruno got from Mexico. Throughout the night, they would have a small argument about it, until Brent got up to leave... Bruno and him talked outside while I talked with Jason - taking up a table for 4 on a busy night at Ping Pong - not cool. They got their shit together, and then we had a nice meal.

Amanda, Dan (her beau), Wilson (his friend) and Lisa (Wilson's wife) were there, and invited us to join them at LBC (Lakeview Broadcasting Company) that night. After they left, Bruno was appalled that we would think of going to a straight bar, so they went to Minibar, and I went to meet my friends. Wilson and Lisa are ridiculously social - they can approach and talk to anyone, so it was nice to talk with Wilson about music and such... he's a cool guy. Invited me to the studio - said that Dan isn't there a lot, but Wilson is there all the time. We'll see how that develops.

Yesterday, I hung out most of the day, and lounged, and I needed to lounge, to be honest. Went shopping for food, and watched my "stories" WHICH were all reruns, btw. Stupid.

Today I got up, and felt the need to express my current woes, and that's about where I'm at... So, all in all, life could be worse... But it could also be much better. Ah well... C'est La Vie!

xoxo

posted by grey as mike @ 9:34 AM

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