grey as blog

grey as sun

Thursday, March 16, 2006

light

When I look around at my surroundings
I see myself separated from them.
Separate from people, furniture,
distant and out of touch.

This isn't a bad thing
It's the result of shyness
like a beaten puppy who wants
so badly to trust and be normal
but is skeptical and weary.

I make the bed I lie in
I fluff the pillows
I try to relax on it, but that
just messes it up.

One has to stay alert
and go and go and go and go
until his heart stops
and even then, he keeps going.
Because...
There's light at the end of every tunnel
and that's what we chase.
The better life, the end-goal - we NEED it
then we get it, and OH BOY, do we get it!

But it's just a sliver...
a sliver of light at the end of every tunnel
a lifetime of slivers at the end of everyday
an everyday that lasts a lifetime

---

That's something I was thinking about this morning. I'm kind of a loner... A rebel, if you will ;-). Not really. I do have a good support of people behind me, I just have a lot of self-doubt. I want things in my life to be perfect, and when that doesn't work out, I get weary and skeptical. I think this is what's made me a wee bit shy over the past 4 or 5 years.

I used to be insanely, annoyingly social. My hair flowed from my scalp over 3/4 of the way down my back, and I would go to Denny's and be amongst my Heavy Metal/Hardcore/Punk/White Trash cohorts. I would get so hopped up on Caffiene, that they would contemplate how the biker guy at the other side of the table was going to kill me, and that it would be funny and great all at once.

Fuck that guy, btw... Hells Angel wannabe MF!

Either way, In a stride for something better, I cut the hair, joined the workforce (even though I was technically already in it), and stopped hanging out with those guys. In the meantime, I've had many a brush with people that are just not worth it to even talk about, and it's left me jaded a bit, as I think happens with a lot of people.

So I was thinking about all this, and it was like... We go through all these things in life that are hard hard HARD work, and it's all for this little sliver of light at the end of every tunnel. We do this until we die, and yet, that's what makes life good for us...

Now, the reason I explain this, is because I don't think this is my best work - but it could be misconstrued as having negative connotation - it doesn't, it's just looking at the state of things and looking at the good of that. If that makes sense.

Here's another thing:

Fuck Denny's!

So... Today is a midterm in Literature class. We'll see how that goes. Then dinner with my friend Paul. We'll see how everything turns out - I'll keep you all posted.

posted by grey as mike @ 9:56 AM

1 Comments:

At March 16, 2006 5:41 PM, Megan said…

I'm pretty sure my head just exploded.

Also, Denny's is stupid.