grey as blog

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Sunday, July 09, 2006

suck

Before anyone reads this post, I'd just like to express that for my shitty mood at this exact moment, this blog is all I've got - no one is around, and I need to get this off my brain. There's nothing here I would talk about normally to anyone anyway...

I'm sorry, but this weekend has sucked, and I'm pissed... maybe heartbroken, but I have no idea how to feel about that - or if it's even warranted at this point.

Let's start from Friday... I had my sisters dog this weekend. He doesn't get along with other dogs, so once again I was forced to keep him away from Brian and Racecar. I met up with Brian to see the Strangers with Candy movie - BTW, please go see this movie. It's REALLY funny - which was the highlight of the weekend. Afterwards, we went to the Pepper Lounge for a drink and then home. But after walking Kopper at my place, B felt bad leaving him alone overnight, so I stayed home and he went home.

Saturday - I run errands. No one has anything I want, my house is still a mess, and I got really tired from working on stuff, and was ready to go out and have a good night. B and I were supposed to go to a Haymarket Riot show, but the energy wasn't there, so after having pizza at his ex, Claude's house, we parted ways and I was in bed by 11. I could've probably contacted friends, but I really wasn't in the mood by then.

Sunday I get up, clean around the house a bit, get Kopper's things together and go to the burbs to drop him off. I play drums for a little bit while I'm there, then I go to my parents house for some money they owe me...

My parents are insane, and without going into details - the condo thing is off. Maybe more on that later, but not now - I'm REALLY pissed off about it.

I call B around 4, and he was busy - I think he had a bad day or I don't know, but said he didn't want to talk today in a text around 8:30. I'm rather worried about him, but... I mean, if he doesn't wanna talk, I'll respect it.

Now... when something big that I've been working on (aka, the condo) falls apart, I get really insecure about everything else - I feel like it's all out of my control. So when it comes to B, I'm getting more and more insecure. When it comes to my job and career, I'm more and more insecure. When I try to write lyrics and make music, I'm more and more insecure.

I just called all my friends in the area, and they are out camping or out of town or not answering. I'm pretty lonely at this exact moment, which is why I guess I logged onto here to complain about it.

I'm not trying to garner anyone's pity or piss anyone off - I'm not saying my friends no longer care about me, or that the guy I'm dating is being weird. I'm simply venting... No one is around to hear it, so this is my only outlet.

I don't know... I might go out and get a drink by myself. I hate doing that, but... whatever.

g'nite.

posted by grey as mike @ 9:10 PM

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