grey as blog

grey as sun

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

socio

I'm not sure what I mean by the subject line... Guess I'm a little introverted these days, and words like that have been popping up in my head.

A quick top 10 smashing pumpkins songs (in no order):

1) cherub rock
2) jellybelly
3) rocket
4) to sheila
5) wound
6) hummer
7) drown (if these were in order, this would be #1)
8) rhinoceros
9) pissant
10) starla

I'll try to do varied top 10 lists in the coming weeks.

I wrote this post out in my head last night as I was sleeping. I forgot about it until now, but back-timed the post to accomodate.

My choices have been odd the past year or so... My focus is on everything and nothing at the same time. The ideas in my head are finally becoming real tangible objects and I'm getting recognized for them, but I don't feel like I've done anything at all.

When I'm around friends, I'm happy and joking and laughing, but then when I go back to work, I'm confused and scattered about what to do with myself. Either this means I need to spend more time with my friends, or learn how to manage myself when they aren't around. It's odd, and I don't know how to explain it.

All I can say is that I've changed my tune a little bit. I changed my tune, and hopefully the state of things to come.

2 weeks from tomorrow is my birthday. I turn 26.

Fuck birthdays - what have they ever done for me? I never get a party, and then when I do go out with friends, I either get stuck paying the bill for a meal I wouldn't have gone out to get anyway, or I get made fun of to where I retreat into self-loathing. Those in the know are well-aware of who I'm talking about.

My best birthday in the last 10 years was the year I came back from Boston. I moved back on March 1, 2003. I had all my friends back, I had a new car, I had a new job, and I was turning 23. I invited everyone to one of my favorite restaurants - Tomboy on the northside. We had wine, good company, great food... and none of them even knew it was my birthday. At that point, I just stopped telling people... it seemed better that way than when anyone made a big deal about it.

There were 2 other birthdays that didn't suck. The rest I can't even remember... 3 out of 10. That number could be a metaphor for a lot of things right now...

I guess I'm just worried that I'm a little off in my head - I mean, who in their 20's doesn't want people to know their birthday? Why is that a big deal? This could be why I'm always single - if I can't tell half my friends my date of birth, how can I expect to open up to someone else?

Wow - a semi-serious post... better mix in something stupid.

Skeletor (better known to the general populace as Joan Rivers) is ugly and stupid, and so is her talentless daughter...

Okay, back to my post:

In general - I guess I'm going to try and be more open to doing and looking at things differently. I may be making progress with school and work and music, but the approach is going to be different now. Good times (or maybe not)...

And btw, I'm not in a bad mood. Just a pondering/wondering one, I guess. I don't have time for bad moods.

posted by grey as mike @ 12:26 AM

1 Comments:

At February 22, 2006 10:13 PM, Megan said…

I know one of your favorite birthdays was when you and I went to hog anus and found that license plate that I ended up giving to Garrett's gay ass. Jesus that was forever ago. I want to even say you were still working at Wallace. And you working at Wallace makes me laugh, because those were the days we could (but never did) walk to each other's houses and be stupid and watch Behind the Music on Queen Latifah.

So I think what I'm trying to say is that I really value our friendship. That, and let's go to hog anus again this year for your birthday so I can stick you with the bill.