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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

continue

So everything is different now... allow me to explain:

Next month, I'll have a new roommate. It's hard to get into the groove of living with someone new. You don't know their quirks yet, or anything about them other than the stuff you talk about before they move in. It's a stressing situation for me.

I was supposed to buy this condo, and now it's not going to happen. It's too much effort and too much "creativity" that I really don't want on my credit report.

The guy I was dating is now probably dating someone else, or having fun without me. I'm over the breakup, but now have those thoughts about awkward sightings when I might be on a date, or I might see him with someone else.

My core groups of friends have all disbanded. Either people have moved, are moving or just don't really have time for me anymore. Going through a breakup without a larger support team (like I used to have) is just not fun. Some have stepped up to the plate, and that means the world to me. Others probably don't know about my situations and just assume everything is fine...

Overall, I have to get my shit together enough to deal with all of this. I'm slowly getting things cleaned up and figured out at home. As for dating, I think I'm ready to try it again - I don't know, it's just getting harder and harder to be optimistic. When I think it's really working, it ends. When I think it's totally disfunctional, it drags on for even longer until I can't deal with it anymore.

I keep listening to music and wondering why I can't put a song together that I like. I guess I just need to figure out what it's all worth to me and go from there. Overall, right now is a time to start fresh in a way - to get back to what really makes me tick...

I want to just toss everything out my window, and start fresh and new in a new city where I don't worry about anything - I'd even buzz my head simply to not have to worry about a haircut. I'd make new friends and date on my own terms... For once, I'd be the one that gets to enjoy the spoils of happy individuals, instead of being the one that's always hurt and has to watch everyone else get what they want.

I want to record an entire album by myself, and tour around the country with 3 people I don't even know, playing shows to 10-12 kids, who don't even like us that much.

I want a new job, a new school, a whole new deal... but I couldn't do that - no... that wouldn't be right, and it also wouldn't work.

I just have to rebuild my diminishing support base and really get to the bottom of what's going on - ah well, at least I can clean everything up around me so I'm in a neat lonely place...

mike

posted by grey as mike @ 11:13 AM

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