grey as blog

grey as sun

Saturday, April 08, 2006

bland

I'm feeling bland today. I went to West Elm with my friend Tim and ran into an ex with their new beau. Or at least I think it was... I dunno, it was very uncomfortable, either way. What a difference a year makes, and yet everything comes crashing back - the feelings, the guilt, that weird stomach feeling. *sigh* tough times...

I'm over it, but it's always uncomfortable. It's becoming more uncomfortable the more of these ex's I seem to pile up. That concerns me. They all seem to be tied into all my groups of friends, too. I've learned a lot from these mistakes, so I think I'm finally done repeating them.

Still makes me sad, and a little lonely, too. Friends are busy, I'm busy, and dating just isn't working out for me. When it rains, it pours...

There has to be an easier way to occupy my free time OTHER than just filling it with more work. I'm too shy to just talk to strangers. I'm done with online meetings and junk. None of my current friends want to do volleyball this summer, and I'm too shy to just post that I want to join a team. I think I'm just doomed. I backed myself in this corner, and now I'll have to sit here with my dunce cap on, and sulk about it.

I'm watching these 2 idiot-bags on HGTV right now search for a houseboat in Seattle. Fuck them - I mean, how much money do you need to waste? Give me some fucking money NOW!

I need to stop watching HGTV. It's really just doing me no good. But NOTHING is on TV on the weekends. It really sucks. I remember growing up, being a complete loser, I'd watch prime time TV on Friday's and Saturday's, which included the Golden Girls and Empty Nest. Now, I'm lucky to catch reruns of anything. I shouldn't be WATCHING TV on the weekends, but I have no life, so... kinda makes it my only thing to do.

I bought some candles to take over the stale apartment smell in our apartment. I also love candles. Something so peaceful about them.

One thing I want to do this summer is go to Lincoln Park and go kayaking in that little lake just west of LSD. I also want to go to Lincoln Park Zoo. I've never been, so... why not? It'll be better than hangin around doing nothing.

In minibar news - I'm doing an entire window display, menu development, cards, logos, etc. Lots of work coming up, and it's cool. I'm really excited, and scared a little, too. Everything is kind of intimidating, because my work gets out there and judged. While it's not exactly that high profile, it's enough so that my neighborhood will get a whiff of my work, and if it's not good, then that could affect my career - and this early on, I don't have enough good work behind me to make up for one bad move yet.

Guess I'm in a pondering mood today - lots going through my head. Hopefully I'll get a couple drinks tonight and be social in some facet. Dunno, guess I should get to it, eh?

Later

posted by grey as mike @ 6:48 PM

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