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Thursday, September 27, 2007

life... in all it's complicated fucking stupid...

Last night I went to an ex's (of sorts) house to see the new condo recently purchased. Nice place, nice decor... it was nice.

I also got information about a new boyfriend moving in - after a very brief long-distance dating period. Worrysome, but I'm happy for them nonetheless...

About a month ago or so, I got an email from an old roommate from boston - Sheri. She's SUCH a sweetheart and I loved living with her. In the last 5 years, she moved to the country somewhere out east, got married and had a couple of kids.

This is the year of my 10 year high school reunion. I haven't really seen or talked with anyone from that place in at least 6-7 years. I'm a little weirded out by all this. And here's why...

I feel like I've accomplished nothing. I started out strong, working and making good money for my age and going to school, working on music - really trying to make a name for myself and what I was doing.

But then I got complacent. I've been in entry-level jobs ever since. I JUST finished college over the summer, when people 3-4 years younger than me had already finished their masters degrees. My music is coming along better than it ever has before, but it's stalled - just like it always does right on the precipice of a recorded breakthrough (of sorts).

And why, you ask?

Cause I'm stupid - I'm more interested in what the nice job and cool hobby brings than actually having the nice job and finishing the music.

This has been on my mind since I finished school. Cause now I look for a job - another entry-level deal with no job security and try to figure out if I'll ever record all this music that I know is good, but just needs studio time to come to fruition.

And what of my career? I know I have the portfolio to get ahead, and I know I have the ability to know and learn all kinds of new programs and things about it.

A job is the first step, for sure... Money is really needed for all of this, and it's in SHORT supply right now. I'm doing varied freelance jobs here and there, and i'm AMAZED that they're all web-based. What's the deal with that? It's great experience and learning and work for my portfolio, but it's like - I say that I'm a graphic designer, and people don't think of identity and print, they go directly to website and digital. It's odd - and showcases how the industry is changing and evolving.

I don't know... Lots of things go through my head. J is someone I talk to and hang out with a lot, and forget about most of this stuff (even for just a second) when we hang out.

Hopefully that lasts for a while longer... Fall will be a bitch this year if I have to go it alone....

xoxo

posted by grey as mike @ 10:38 AM

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