grey as blog

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Monday, July 31, 2006

venetian

So let me express a couple of truths to the matter...

Venetian night:

1) good fireworks
2) good time to spend with friends and get drunk in public
3) REALLY SUCKY boat show...

Seriously, there were only like 10 boats, and most of them were not well decorated. If you have the money for a boat, pump out the cash to adequately decorate it. Seriously...

Overall, Paul and James do NOT in fact hate me - A nice bout of drunkeness and things were right where I wanted them. We ended up with WAY too much food, WAY too much booze and WAY too much... uhhh... food.

Good times were had by all.

Coffee that morning with Bruno didn't happen, and Clerks II with Brad that afternoon didn't happen. Fuckers...

Friday I helped my new roommate get into the house. He seems pretty cool so far, but we have no idea what to do with his chair or couch. I think he wants to sell them, but... I'm not sure if it will happen or if he really wants to - I don't want to pressure him to sell them... but at the same time, I really don't want them around.

Sunday I got up, cleaned around the house a bit, then met up with Amanda to drive her new Beau home, then we had Chinese from a place on Broadway, went jewelry shopping at some local shop across the street, then went back to my house for swimming. Being my first trip to the pool this year, I was happy to finally sit and relax... good times.

After that, I grilled out, then met up with Brad to see Clerks II. Overall, it was funny - not as good as the first, but that's because it's not as raw - it's not in documentary style anymore, and the addition of color kind of made it seem like more of a romantic comedy. Anywho... funny enough for my recommendation. Jay's imitation of a certain scene from Silence of the Lambs was well worth the $8.50.

Today, I've done a little minibar work, and went through about 2000 emails that I've been putting off deleting. Damn Outlook - keeping everything I ever get! This afternoon, I'm going to stop by H&M to see if there are any deals on some shirts and shorts (I'm having a BAD shortage of shorts to wear this year), then home to clean and workout. The GAP is ALL about fall right now, so there's nothing there... Tonight is a cleaning night - getting shit in my room cleaned up and organized, and starting on the living room to get it organized for the time being.

Tomorrow, Bob and Steve come over to swim and grill (or possibly go out to eat, who knows). I spent $120 on groceries FOR MYSELF on Friday night, so I have food for me, but I don't know if I have food for a 3-4 person cookout.

Anyway... I'm outta here...

xoxo

posted by grey as mike @ 12:07 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 28, 2006

weekEND

Chris moves in today - this will be interesting. But that's okay - we will figure it out if it kills me.

Tonight I have no plans, but have some invites to a party and then maybe to hang out with some other friends... I have no idea. I pay no mind, and therefore have no issues with anything. I'd like to not drive, though, so that will play an important role.

Tomorrow, Amanda has invited me to this venetian night that her friends Paul and James have every year. I am thoroughly convinced that these 2 individuals do not like my company, but Amanda says otherwise, so that will be interesting. I'm supposed to bring something. I'm thinking Devilled Eggs, but might be a little too americana for a gaystravaGANZa, so I could do a taco dip, chip dip or something... I do not know.

I also have coffee plans with Bruno, and a movie (Clerks II, I think) with Brad - we'll see how those work out.

Sunday I'm not sure if there's a brunch or something. I might take the time to work on the house and get that in order, but we'll see... It sounds like something that is needed moreso than parading about town, but whatever.

In terms of design work, this week was a good one. Chris sent the business card I designed for him to print, and now I'm working on the website. Minibar has decided to do a new plugger each month, and I just sent the final file for August's. I'm also going to be working with some design people to figure out my new design website - I really need to get an online portfolio going with all my latest work. One that is easy to update...

My mom is giving me a GIANT 35" television - I need to find something that is strong enough to hold this, which WILL be difficult, but at least I'll have a bigger TV again - that's always a good thing.

The date from last Friday is probably not going to go anywhere - it was with someone that I met last year and reconnected with that night. It was a good time and fun and all, but haven't seen him since, and he's in amsterdam for 10 days now - we'll see what he does to contact me when he gets back (probably nothing).

I have to pee...

xoxo

posted by grey as mike @ 12:40 PM 0 comments

Monday, July 24, 2006

gaymes

Saturday, I went to the closing ceremonies of the 2006 Chicago Gay Games. They weren't nearly as long or boring as the opening ceremonies, from what I hear - I didn't go, and am glad that I didn't.

I got to see Christine W. and some latin guy dance dance dance... I got see hear some really bad gay comics talk about typical gay comedian stuff (this includes Ant - of Celebrity Fit Club fame - classy, really). I got to see gay cowboys line dance, and then I got to see gay men twirl around fake plastic rifles.

The end of it for us was after we had seen Cyndi Lauper - who was draped in a gay pride flag dress, and had a woman wearing a suit playing the violin. The appearance was reminiscent of a certain Eurythmics video from the 1980's... But overall, it was fun and I'm glad I went - I do like to see what varied pop-culture phenoma happens around me in person when I can.

Friday, I think I went on a date of sorts? LOL... More on that later...

Saturday night I hung out with Bob and Steve - those fuckers have 3 cars, 2 segways and a 4 story townhouse with a roofdeck... FUCK THEM!!! ;-) they're actually really nice guys, and I hung out there pretty late just shooting the shit with them and a few Australian guys that seem to be flocking to the states to visit.

Sunday, I hung out with Tim (who used to live in my building) and THEN went to see Oh My God at the Wicker Park festival... Good times, and they're an AWESOME band to see live. They seemed a little shaky, and the singer I think forgot the words a couple times. However, they play a mean set, and the new material was fantastic - can't wait for the album.

Tonight, Them vs. Them plays at Navy Pier. After that, I think I just wanna go home and veg, but I'll probably end up out and about getting a drink or something here or there... Which is fine, I like being out and such with friends.

Btw, I know I've said this a thousand times... Go see the Strangers with Candy movie. Funny, Funny, Funny, Funny, Funny... and then funny some more.

This morning I told T's parents that I would not be able to buy the condo after all - they are probably pissed. I'm hoping they don't retaliate by not letting me rent it at all... I guess I wouldn't blame them, but that would SERIOUSLY suck, especially cause I found a new roommate...

Chris - seems like a cool guy, and it will be nice to have the house in a respectable order once again. I welcome him...

I also welcome lunch... so I'll talk to you later...

posted by grey as mike @ 11:07 AM 1 comments

Thursday, July 20, 2006

ponder

So I'm having odd dreams these days, all of which are due to stress and uncertainty.

One I had involved going to B's house after we broke up to pick some things up. I was with HIS ex of 6 years, and stumbled upon him in his bed with some other punk rock guy, a younger one that had a mohawk or something.

The one last night involved me and this girl duking it out over a job interview - at the end, we were both hired, and when we went out to the parking lot, there was a building with a large black family - something was going on, and everyone knew it except for me.

I wake up, fall back asleep.

I'm going with B to his house, and there's all kinds of curvy roads and tunnels and insane directions and we end up at his apartment, which is under Wacker Drive for some reason, and then I wake up.

I'm clearly angry and stressed out about my career and love life. Then in the rain this morning on the way to work, I think about the good times I've had with all my ex's - particularly Brian (the first Brian - opera singer)...

When he and I split, it was inevitable... He lives in San Fran, but is in Chicago often for extended periods of time to perform. His last day in town was a really cold day in January that year, and it was really sad for me to see him go. When I got home, I cried on the couch for an hour or 2, and then went to sleep. The next day I felt good and things were okay...

When Brad and I split, I felt bad and guilty because he had proposed us getting more serious, and with school looming, I didn't feel I could handle it - I'm the one that freaked out... but it was him that came to me and said "hey, I think I'm starting to get in too deep here, what are your thoughts?" and I put it out on the table, and it was actually okay...

When Bruno and I split, he was moving to Stockholm for 6 months. He approached me to discuss that it wasn't really fair to me, or him, to have to keep something going when he was going to leave for so long, and we'd only been together a couple months. I agreed, and we're still good friends. In fact, he comes home on Sunday - I think he has a new boyfriend as well who is better suited to travel with him and such...

The thing about these that I'm getting at is that they are the few times that when the breakup was happening, we maintained dialogue and left on amiable terms. Right now, I'm having a hard time getting over this thing because I have all this anger, and no matter what I do, it won't go away.

Not only that, but I don't have any time to really focus on it and deal with it... Too much work, too little time, too few people that I want to speak with about it. This isn't to say that friends of mine aren't around - cause some of them are, but I don't want to bother them with this stuff... I just want to have fun and catch up cause I see most of them so little that I don't want to be the debbie downer of the group. Usually, if I feel I'm bringing things down, I just leave...

And that brings me to Jerry - on Sunday, he had his going-away party. Last summer, he was the big fling of spring. By summer, Jerry was another situation that ended badly for me. I felt lead-on and disrespected... Jerry was slow, tho - that breakup didn't happen out of left field so abruptly.

I took me almost a year before we really hung out again. At his party Sunday, I was upset that he was leaving before we really got to connect again. I was also upset cause of B and the condo and all this stuff...

So I guess I come here to put it all out on the table - since I don't have time for a retreat or money for a vacation, I really have no way of dealing with it other than this place. Yes, I know I have friends around, but again - don't wanna be debbie downer. I'd rather be debbie downer here than in person where someone has to deal with me for extended periods.

Either way, life goes on and so on, so forth. I'm less than okay, but better than beat down...

posted by grey as mike @ 10:44 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

continue

So everything is different now... allow me to explain:

Next month, I'll have a new roommate. It's hard to get into the groove of living with someone new. You don't know their quirks yet, or anything about them other than the stuff you talk about before they move in. It's a stressing situation for me.

I was supposed to buy this condo, and now it's not going to happen. It's too much effort and too much "creativity" that I really don't want on my credit report.

The guy I was dating is now probably dating someone else, or having fun without me. I'm over the breakup, but now have those thoughts about awkward sightings when I might be on a date, or I might see him with someone else.

My core groups of friends have all disbanded. Either people have moved, are moving or just don't really have time for me anymore. Going through a breakup without a larger support team (like I used to have) is just not fun. Some have stepped up to the plate, and that means the world to me. Others probably don't know about my situations and just assume everything is fine...

Overall, I have to get my shit together enough to deal with all of this. I'm slowly getting things cleaned up and figured out at home. As for dating, I think I'm ready to try it again - I don't know, it's just getting harder and harder to be optimistic. When I think it's really working, it ends. When I think it's totally disfunctional, it drags on for even longer until I can't deal with it anymore.

I keep listening to music and wondering why I can't put a song together that I like. I guess I just need to figure out what it's all worth to me and go from there. Overall, right now is a time to start fresh in a way - to get back to what really makes me tick...

I want to just toss everything out my window, and start fresh and new in a new city where I don't worry about anything - I'd even buzz my head simply to not have to worry about a haircut. I'd make new friends and date on my own terms... For once, I'd be the one that gets to enjoy the spoils of happy individuals, instead of being the one that's always hurt and has to watch everyone else get what they want.

I want to record an entire album by myself, and tour around the country with 3 people I don't even know, playing shows to 10-12 kids, who don't even like us that much.

I want a new job, a new school, a whole new deal... but I couldn't do that - no... that wouldn't be right, and it also wouldn't work.

I just have to rebuild my diminishing support base and really get to the bottom of what's going on - ah well, at least I can clean everything up around me so I'm in a neat lonely place...

mike

posted by grey as mike @ 11:13 AM 0 comments

Thursday, July 13, 2006

thanks

Thanks everyone that posted comments.

I'm actually doing much better than I thought I would be... Perhaps my feelings for B just weren't as strong as I thought. Or maybe I'm just used to this and have adapted to getting over guys faster. Or, I'm suppressing, but I don't think that's the case.

Needless... A few comments of my own:

1) Bradd - Bradd Easton? Is that you? Do you read my blog? If so, how are you - it's been over a year, I think... How's the house and how's your little girl?

2) Julie - Yes, fooding needs to happen soon... We still have the yogurt that needs to go on Little Chris' car in which I came up with "Yogurt is the Devil's Jesus." The "Cottage Jesus" one was Megan's brainchild, but we were both in the same state to come up with anything "Jesus."

3) Megan - That's Julie - I used to work with her back in 1999 and then again in 2004 until 2005. She's sassy and married to a guy named Joe that works for McDonalds (corporate - not a store). She loves our trysts with the fooding - but then again, who wouldn't? It's funny...

So yea, I posted early, but I probably won't post much in the next week or so - it depends how much good news takes place - if a lot, then more posts - if not, then none.

BTW - there might be a way around the mortgage issue where I might be able to get it myself... To be honest, with as much trouble as it's been, I'm not sure I want it, but we'll see...

Mike

posted by grey as mike @ 5:23 PM 2 comments

Monday, July 10, 2006

breakup

B and I broke up today.

Between the condo falling apart and this, I'm just too emotionally bruised to think. It'll be a couple of weeks before I post again.

I hope you all have a better start to the week than me.

- mike

posted by grey as mike @ 2:39 PM 3 comments

Sunday, July 09, 2006

suck

Before anyone reads this post, I'd just like to express that for my shitty mood at this exact moment, this blog is all I've got - no one is around, and I need to get this off my brain. There's nothing here I would talk about normally to anyone anyway...

I'm sorry, but this weekend has sucked, and I'm pissed... maybe heartbroken, but I have no idea how to feel about that - or if it's even warranted at this point.

Let's start from Friday... I had my sisters dog this weekend. He doesn't get along with other dogs, so once again I was forced to keep him away from Brian and Racecar. I met up with Brian to see the Strangers with Candy movie - BTW, please go see this movie. It's REALLY funny - which was the highlight of the weekend. Afterwards, we went to the Pepper Lounge for a drink and then home. But after walking Kopper at my place, B felt bad leaving him alone overnight, so I stayed home and he went home.

Saturday - I run errands. No one has anything I want, my house is still a mess, and I got really tired from working on stuff, and was ready to go out and have a good night. B and I were supposed to go to a Haymarket Riot show, but the energy wasn't there, so after having pizza at his ex, Claude's house, we parted ways and I was in bed by 11. I could've probably contacted friends, but I really wasn't in the mood by then.

Sunday I get up, clean around the house a bit, get Kopper's things together and go to the burbs to drop him off. I play drums for a little bit while I'm there, then I go to my parents house for some money they owe me...

My parents are insane, and without going into details - the condo thing is off. Maybe more on that later, but not now - I'm REALLY pissed off about it.

I call B around 4, and he was busy - I think he had a bad day or I don't know, but said he didn't want to talk today in a text around 8:30. I'm rather worried about him, but... I mean, if he doesn't wanna talk, I'll respect it.

Now... when something big that I've been working on (aka, the condo) falls apart, I get really insecure about everything else - I feel like it's all out of my control. So when it comes to B, I'm getting more and more insecure. When it comes to my job and career, I'm more and more insecure. When I try to write lyrics and make music, I'm more and more insecure.

I just called all my friends in the area, and they are out camping or out of town or not answering. I'm pretty lonely at this exact moment, which is why I guess I logged onto here to complain about it.

I'm not trying to garner anyone's pity or piss anyone off - I'm not saying my friends no longer care about me, or that the guy I'm dating is being weird. I'm simply venting... No one is around to hear it, so this is my only outlet.

I don't know... I might go out and get a drink by myself. I hate doing that, but... whatever.

g'nite.

posted by grey as mike @ 9:10 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

dreams

So, I have really weird dreams lately. I typically don't remember them, but I know that I wake up and am like... "What the fuck was that all about?" and then I go back to sleep and forget about them.

This weekend was jam-packed with crap, and I won't go into it... Overall, it was a good weekend. Friday morning I took my coffee table to get refinished. $140... Not bad considering it's an expensive table and I got it for free. During this transaction, I got a free metal typewriter from the 20's or 30's. I'm not sure if I'm going to leave it the way it is, or try to restore it, but... Man, is it cool lookin!

There's a little side table that I spent a lot of time on as well - stripping, sanding, staining, sealing. Still needs one more coat of sealer, and then I'm spray painting the base. I'm not sure what color yet, but I don't like the offwhite/ivory color it is right now. Brian likes it, but... I don't think I'm having it for what I use it for. Megan is providing me the spray paint, so that'll be cool.

As for everything else - it's all good, I guess. Still need to clean in the house - I REALLY need to make a target run and an Ikea run - pick up a few things that are needed.

I'm still going into how many little furnishings I need - A couple rugs, some shelves, bathroom towels and bath mat, lights, paint... It's going to cost, but that's okay - I need it and will use it for a long time to come.

I also need to get a vacuum from someone STILL to vacuum that room before I move stuff into it. I will get everything moved around by this weekend, and have some furniture to boot! I WILL damnit!!!

Oh, I might also have another dog to watch this weekend. Kopper - My sisters Shiba Inu. He looks like a fox, and is generally unpredictable - Really nice with people, not so great with other dogs. He's small, though, so it won't be as hard to control him as it was with Lou. And it would only be for 2 days, which is a drop in the bucket compared to the 3 weeks I almost had to deal with Lou.

Did I mention that this dog has chewed off all the fur on his back legs? Yea, I think there's a mixture of heat problems, anxiety and allergies, but apparently he's stopped with all that stuff, so who the hell knows. I certainly don't...

With that, I suppose I should get out of here. I'll be in touch... if you're carbon-based.

xoxo

posted by grey as mike @ 11:22 AM 1 comments

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