grey as blog

grey as sun

Sunday, February 26, 2006

tonight

Work work work...

It's all work.

I love TV. Yea...

Poetry of the Television

- mg

posted by grey as mike @ 7:50 PM 1 comments

Friday, February 24, 2006

swing

It's funny how my mood swings these days. I think this blog helps keep me afloat. I'm not what anyone would consider "open" so this gets me a chance to get things off my mind that I probably otherwise wouldn't. Or at least, not in the same way...

I just went to McDonalds to buy some cheap "filler" food... Might be having lunch at 2, but I didn't eat breakfast. I asked for EXTRA wheat and dairy products to make my FANNY nice and big.

So here it is people... The double cheeseburger and small fries I just ate were not as disgusting as I remember... and yet, at the same time, it was like eating a fresh pile of feces - fresh from the FANNY. Funny how that works, eh?

I have ideas flowing through my head, and things that need to come to fruition. I wrote this in my head last night on the L:

I'm staring through a space between
some glass and a fake
wall
the door to enter and
exit is to my right
there's a guy with a go-T talking
with his friends, from
class, I presume
there's another guy that looks like
Waldo - Where's Waldo? who the
fuck cares - get some new glasses

I leave the train, and go to
meet with my purpose for the evening
I walk 4 blocks with a rolling
briefcase
full of equipment and
ideas

I stop just before the
location, put on my happy business face
and walk into the bar an
emotionless cyborg of business
professionalism

hey! bartender! a drink should
be in my hand
or my fist will be in your face.

hey! Customer! Here's to work!

------------------------

Hehe - I like that one. It's so me, I think.

This weekend is my dad's birthday. It frightens me how similar we are in the way in which we conduct ourselves. We are both Pisceans, but at opposite spectrums. It's odd to see him relaxed, as we always made his life a living hell growing up. Now he's exactly the same, but relaxed. Is it going to take me another 26 years to finally relax? Weird to think about, eh?

Perhaps I'm in a good mood, and it's because I'm stepping back to look at these things... Who knows, but I'm in good spirits today. I'm not tired, I'm not insane with work to do, I'm not tense. I just want to relax tonight. Maybe read some more for class.

My weekend is open people. Touch base with me - it'll be good times.

posted by grey as mike @ 11:29 AM 0 comments

irritation

Do you ever feel like you just irritate everyone around you?

I'm paranoid like that - and that's not a good thing. It's an annoying thing - that irritates not just the people around you, but yourself as well.

I've been keeping it in check, but... man... sometimes it comes back - like my half digested food whenever I see Paris Hilton's face.

It's late... I've had my face on too long already.

I'm vowing to use the word "fanny" as much as possible from now on...

I'm also going to take a stab at writing subconscious poetry on the blog 1-3 times a week. Why not?

I'm out... but not like Ellen.

posted by grey as mike @ 12:16 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

possibilities

4 years ago

I left in search of something
turned out to be nothing
I came back, 8 months later
to reclaim my post as myself

it didn't work

4 years ago
the cities were full of possibilities
endless in nature and science
modern in class and wealth

possibilities have become shackles
opportunities have become inhibitors
it's not working

4 years ago
I left it all for this
Is this really worth all the effort?

the further ahead I get
the farther away I become
the further away I go
the closer it is that I get

but to what?
4 years is a long time

-- mike ganz original

posted by grey as mike @ 9:10 AM 2 comments

socio

I'm not sure what I mean by the subject line... Guess I'm a little introverted these days, and words like that have been popping up in my head.

A quick top 10 smashing pumpkins songs (in no order):

1) cherub rock
2) jellybelly
3) rocket
4) to sheila
5) wound
6) hummer
7) drown (if these were in order, this would be #1)
8) rhinoceros
9) pissant
10) starla

I'll try to do varied top 10 lists in the coming weeks.

I wrote this post out in my head last night as I was sleeping. I forgot about it until now, but back-timed the post to accomodate.

My choices have been odd the past year or so... My focus is on everything and nothing at the same time. The ideas in my head are finally becoming real tangible objects and I'm getting recognized for them, but I don't feel like I've done anything at all.

When I'm around friends, I'm happy and joking and laughing, but then when I go back to work, I'm confused and scattered about what to do with myself. Either this means I need to spend more time with my friends, or learn how to manage myself when they aren't around. It's odd, and I don't know how to explain it.

All I can say is that I've changed my tune a little bit. I changed my tune, and hopefully the state of things to come.

2 weeks from tomorrow is my birthday. I turn 26.

Fuck birthdays - what have they ever done for me? I never get a party, and then when I do go out with friends, I either get stuck paying the bill for a meal I wouldn't have gone out to get anyway, or I get made fun of to where I retreat into self-loathing. Those in the know are well-aware of who I'm talking about.

My best birthday in the last 10 years was the year I came back from Boston. I moved back on March 1, 2003. I had all my friends back, I had a new car, I had a new job, and I was turning 23. I invited everyone to one of my favorite restaurants - Tomboy on the northside. We had wine, good company, great food... and none of them even knew it was my birthday. At that point, I just stopped telling people... it seemed better that way than when anyone made a big deal about it.

There were 2 other birthdays that didn't suck. The rest I can't even remember... 3 out of 10. That number could be a metaphor for a lot of things right now...

I guess I'm just worried that I'm a little off in my head - I mean, who in their 20's doesn't want people to know their birthday? Why is that a big deal? This could be why I'm always single - if I can't tell half my friends my date of birth, how can I expect to open up to someone else?

Wow - a semi-serious post... better mix in something stupid.

Skeletor (better known to the general populace as Joan Rivers) is ugly and stupid, and so is her talentless daughter...

Okay, back to my post:

In general - I guess I'm going to try and be more open to doing and looking at things differently. I may be making progress with school and work and music, but the approach is going to be different now. Good times (or maybe not)...

And btw, I'm not in a bad mood. Just a pondering/wondering one, I guess. I don't have time for bad moods.

posted by grey as mike @ 12:26 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

protest

I'm going to rant for a bit about a couple of things right now. Sit back and deal with it...

1) Why does apple have to make their keyboard so that "Apple+C" is copy? People who have been on PC's (and still work on both) have used "CNTR+C" for years. There's a CNTR button on macs - so why do they have to be different? And what's up with that STUPID 1-button mouse? Yes, I know they now make a 2-button, but my laptop has one giant button, and if I want to work efficiently, I have to carry around an IBM mouse with 2 buttons. It's dumb...

2) Why, oh why can't the gays take the fact that protests in the modern age just don't work. I don't get it... The conservatives are going with legal action and using ballots and courts to win over things, and the gays plan a protest? Get with it, guys - legal action is the way to go, stop wasting our contributions on lavish promotional dinners and protests, and get a good lawyer...

3) Everyone is so stupid. Why is everyone so stupid? I just don't get it...

There you go people. Today is busy for me, I have to make some calls, do some stuff, get some copy laid out - *whew* - I'm getting tired just thinkin about it.

More to come at later dates...

posted by grey as mike @ 8:30 AM 0 comments

Monday, February 20, 2006

ronald

So only the elite and proud viewers will know what I am talking about when I say that seeing Ronald VonKleinenstein in "Date Movie" is JUST ABOUT the funniest thing to ever be seen on a screen anywhere in the world.

So, we have preliminary approval for a logo and some other design elements for a job I'm working on. In about a week or so, I'll be able to divulge the details, but until then I'm sworn to secrecy by the owners. I guess it's not really secret, but they don't want buzz about it QUITE yet.

I cannot tell you guys how excited I am for this. It gives me an opportunity to get my name out there, and it also gives me some portfolio work. Granted, my services here are free at the moment, because this is doubling as a school assignment... I DO believe that if this WEREN'T a school environment, and I was charging, they probably would just stick with the designer that they already have. Am I complaining? Not at all... In design, you have to pay your dues, and this is a great means of doing that.

Can you write off recording on your taxes if it's for a school project? I want to say yes... In the same class that I'm doing a report on Billy Corgan, I also have to do a creative project, and I'm thinking about going to a studio with it and releasing it as an EP, cause I adopted the poetic writing style from the class, and feel that I could do something really different. I don't want to make something dumb, or something cliche or related to my major - I have enough design crap to do. We'll see, and I'll talk to the teacher about it this week AND a tax accountant to make sure I can write it off...

Alright, I'm out for now. See ya churrens!

posted by grey as mike @ 9:10 AM 1 comments

Friday, February 17, 2006

what

I'm so upset that I forgot about this...

Needed: African American Women (Actresses/Dancers/Singers) for the sista production of Aqua Beats and Moon Verses: Volume I. Aqua Beats and Moon Verses is a choreopoem that celebrates 21st century womanhood and sistahood. The choreopoem addresses fatherless and motherless daughters, hip hop feminism, friendships, women's health, misogyny, activism, and addiction. www.spokenexistene.com/aqua_moon Auditions: Friday- February 10, 2006 & Monday- February 13, 2006 5:45-8:00PM in BSB, Room 183

Looks like I'll still have to wait to make my theater debut. I suggest you follow that link. I haven't yet, but it's probably hilarious.

In other news I updated my profile before making this post. I entered in my date of birth, expecting to see it simply posted in my profile. However, I was surprised to discover that they take that information and use it to generate my age, astrological sign and zodiac year. Because I'm sure that anyone reading this was wondering "Who is this new addition to the mix? It's not Mikey... it must be somebody else. But who? And what is his or her zodiac year?" Don't worry, my profile can clear up the confusion! My name is Megan and I was born in the year of the boar.

Stupid.

posted by Megan @ 12:57 PM 1 comments

truth

I would like to express a few truths to the matter... What's the matter? I'll TELL you what's the matter... EVERYTHING!

1) Paris Hilton is a low down dirty whore slut. Forgive me, any professionals that may be looking at this and saying "But she's so professional all the time..." Don't believe it. Her legs are as wide open as... well... there's nothing as wide open as her legs. If you listen close enough, you could even hear the ocean between them... But then you'd have to get near her, and well... nobody wants that, now, do they?

2) Starbucks = delicious. Please send that message to the slave labor that collects the beans and tea in some 3rd world country, please.

3) Sometimes, late at night... I scream at the top of my lungs in terror. Unfortunately, I'm usually in my roommates room doing it into his ear at the time. I don't know what that's about...

4) If I bought a neon pink Jeep, would I look like a homosexual?

5) Everyone else is stupid, except for me and a select few of my friends. So world - you are to do my bidding from now on... First things first - get me all the episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and create a 24hr a day network that plays them all... with NO commercials.

I guess those are all the truths I can get out at the moment. More to come at later dates...

posted by grey as mike @ 9:17 AM 1 comments

Thursday, February 16, 2006

introduction

I would first of all like to say that I am honored to join the ranks of Grey As Blog. Nothing made me happier than seeing that Blogger blog invitation in my blog inbox blog blog blog.

So let's see how long I keep up with this. And by that, I mean let's see how often I find something to make fun of and then blog about. My guess is that I'll be finding things to make fun of for the rest of my days.

Here's an example. Apparently, this story was important enough to make news... MSN.com had a link to an article about some middle school kids who paid their gym teacher $1 a day to skip class. While reading it, my only thought was "How was I not the first person to try this?" And that's coming from someone whose dinner tonight consisted of Triscuits and cheese complemented by a vodka/orange juice.

Figure that one out for yourselves.

posted by Megan @ 9:59 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

rain

When it rains it pours. That's all I'll say about that for now... I came up with a poem this morning on the bus:

So here I am
About to run up and meet my destiny
Why?
Is there a purpose to this?
Why am I so driven to overcome this thing?
I run up
Perfectly position my foot to kick HARD
Then the ball is snatched away at the last second.
I fly into the air in a daze of bewilderment and betrayal
I fall to the ground
Pain
I cannot help but think...
"Fuck you, Lucy!"

Yes, I AM still listening to the Smashing Pumpkins like crazy. I can't help it. It's good, so deal with it.

Pretty soon, I'm going to add people to this blog - as contributors. I want a team. Yea! a TEAM of grey as sun contributors... a POSSE, so to speak. More to come on that later.

I'm working on a digital project this summer that I'm going to call "Study of Trees." What do you think about that? Tell me... I'm here to listen, and silently mock you behind your back AND to your face... and maybe your mother's face, too, depending on my mood.

Computer...

posted by grey as mike @ 11:45 AM 2 comments

Sunday, February 12, 2006

real

Oh the reality that sets in when you come from a party full of couples and/or people that seem happier than you are.

I hate being that guy that seems like he hates/judges everyone. My humor is such that people would think that, but at times, when people that have no idea who I am try to point out my short-comings, I kind of want to deck them. Let's face it... people are going to think that I'm negative and hateful, but I know it isn't true... It's just when people think they have me figured out. Not only is it annoying, but it's almost always 100% wrong.

I also should come to grips with my dating habits. Before, it's like I would show very little interest in someone I liked, and then over the last year and a half, I've been trying to make myself show interest more, and I think it's making me look desperate, or fast-moving. I don't want either of those, but I don't know what the balance is. I think I'm destined for being single through my mid-20's. I should really accept that as the reality, and hope that something comes through and breaks reality up into 3 concepts involving Vh1, Flava-Flav, Bridgitte Neilson and Jerry Hall.

For now bed. Alone. Could be worse, eh? *sigh* I say that a lot these days... Could it really, or am I just trying to kid myself?

Ah... there's the self-doubt... looks like it's back, guys! However, the creative inspired side isn't... I wonder if both can exist at the same time and keep the other in check. Are these questions that drug makers ask when they're testing new products for depression?

Bed. Now... wait, no... okay, NOW!

posted by grey as mike @ 2:24 AM 2 comments

Friday, February 10, 2006

loser

This evening, I feel like a loser, lol... I was kinda ditched, but at least called beforehand about it. And since I cancelled plans from before originally, here I am.

With the help of Naomi in my literature class, Here you go:

a bunch of losers
I know what I'm doing for spring break
does a song and dance
puts together life experiences
dedicated to the past 3 years of his life
a dirty rock n' roll group
apathetic
individual
half-hearted
blues
do you feel?
nature
bleak future through science fiction
sex becomes wacky
mission - the big screen
their depiction of violence
what strategy it takes to win it
motion
expression is not absolute
responsible expression
he cared
dirty games
exposure

There you go, people! Hope you have a good Friday - I'll be home alone most likely...

posted by grey as mike @ 7:52 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

unga

Why must I always feel so self-doubtful?

I feel like when I talk, incoherent words fall out in what can only be described as (and I'm coining this phrase right... NOW!) "un-sentences." Is this the case? Who knows. I get over it pretty fast, and move on to the next thing...

What is the next thing? I don't know, but I DO feel very inspired this month. Not self-doubtful at all. I can't be sure if it's that I finally have classes relating to my field, and there's a light at the end of the school tunnel, or if I'm just thinking about ideas more and have them actually happen. Ya know?

As for the music, I have songs and ideas, and just need to get those to fruition. I'm already working on new methods of writing lyrics and really studying and disecting my favorite singers and lyric writers. I've done this before, but I was never quite able to crack it. Cause they write something that's absolutely beautiful (Jets to Brazil/Death Cab For Cutie), and then set it up with music. Even if what they write isn't that great, it's the setup with music that really makes it work (Bob Nanna/Nada Surf). So many parts - maybe I'm looking at it too much like a science. Perhaps I should just go the subconscious route and write it out in simple form whatever words go through my head. Who knows...

So here it is people... Here is what I want for my birthday: I want a place where I can play the drums to record some beats for demo's. This burst of inspiration that I'm getting lately (most likely from things finally happening that deal with my future) needs an outlet, and I need to use it up before it goes away again. Make sense? So... that is all that I want :-).

Have you ever wanted to cover songs because you know they would sound better another way? Like an acoustic song that would sound better electric? Or a song that has too many effects and would sound good without? I wonder if people will think that about my songs. I wonder if all the things that I think about when I think of music, someone will think about my music one day... There's a thinker for me, hehe...

When there's a will, there's a way
Last fall is when i left
stand inside the box to get out
life becomes you fails you in you

hrmmm... perhaps that subconscious thing really doesn't work as well as I thought, LOL... Maybe if I set it up right with the music, hehe... ;-)

posted by grey as mike @ 11:17 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

crash

Okay... So I'm bored at work. I also can't stop listening to the latter Pumpkins/Zwan/Corgan CD's. I'm almost glad I waited 6 years to allow it to accumulate, and now I have all this "new" music to listen to. GOOD TIMES!!!

So check it... I have a lot going on, but i'm keeping it all secret for the time being. When I brag about things, then they don't happen, and that sucks. So if all works out, then I'll have more news later in the month. Good?

I'm really itching to do all my demo work with real drums... like REALLY bad, it's insane. I seriously want to see if some friends of mine in the burbs or family will let me take a couple weekends coming up to let me do it in their basements or whatever one day. If anyone can help me out with that, by all means...

All this pressure - feels like walls crashing down on a glass bubble protecting me from outside elements.

Hey, that's kind of a cool line, eh? It stems from a dream I had... There are 2 things that happen in my dreams that I've been remembering (and btw, I do NOT remember dreams ever). 1) I enter into a space that just gets smaller and smaller and smaller, until I can't fit through it anymore, but my friends can and yell at me for not keeping up. 2) Things fall from the sky and shatter on what I can only describe as a clear sheild around me... and as more stuff falls, more dust gets inside - like it's about to break.

I'm hoping I can write some songs about those - Dream analysis, here I come! hehehe... It is said that poetry is just a stream of subconscious words forming together. Perhaps I need to get to something like that.

The other thing I wanted to do... I have ideas for 4 videos, all involving some form of transit (i.e. walking, driving, bus, etc.), and I kind of want to write 4 songs that deal with travel in some form. I always think the most when I drive, so if I could pull that off, and release a video EP, that would be pretty cool, huh? I think so anyway...

Lofty goals... The video thing won't come to fruition for a long long time. The lyrics will come this year. And I hope to get some studio time after that and make an actual release. For now, demos...

So I just went into this whole thing about the name and the demos and all this stuff, but I really don't feel like sharing that, so... I'm not!

And I'm going to get out of here. Have a good one guys!

posted by grey as mike @ 2:24 PM 0 comments

Sunday, February 05, 2006

weekend

so... here we are. I'm bored, and I want to go home. But I am at home. So where is this home at?

Perhaps if I cleaned the house and did some recording, it would help...

I've had an odd weekend. I can't really explain why... I just feel odd at the moment. I have a lot of things going on, and there's this weird calm right now. That means it's all going to explode and I'll be chasing the game instead of being one step ahead of it.

In other news, I can't seem to find a business to use for my graphic design class. *freak-mode* I'm hoping that changes with some connections I have. Anyway. Nothing I can do about that now, so I'm just riding out the calm.

I ordered all my books. $200!!! Could've been more, so I'm not gonna complain... I even got the Billy Corgan book for my literature class. I also got the rest of the CD's I had by zwan and the pumpkins into my itunes and ipod.

Here's the weird thing about the pumpkins... I remember seeing the video for Siva (the second track on Gish) on 120 minutes on MTV in 1990/91 - this is around the same time that I was getting into Soundgarden and various grunge bands pre-Nirvana. It was like... Here are these really heavy bands that are playing this sloppier dirtier music, and they're fucking awesome! Then Nirvana broke the scene open and the rest is history.

Now that I'm listening to some of this later stuff, I feel slighted that I didn't listen to it before. Once the Pumpkins went into this whole digital/machine phase of their career, I had moved on to hardcore and punk bands, so it was hard for me to accept it, and really had no reason to get back into it until now with this poetry project. It's still music that doesn't quite fit into a category - but I commend them for trying to take a different approach.

Oh, what is a boy to do? The killer in me is the killer in you...

I'm out... later churrens!

posted by grey as mike @ 3:20 PM 4 comments

Friday, February 03, 2006

grey

Lots of grey area these days. I have so many projects to work on, and so many things to get and worry about. It actually has me very excited, and very tired at the same time.

I've gotten over being intimidated by putting work out there. For critiques in class, I'm confident in the work that I do, and for music, I'm okay with posting demos. The problem with the demos is that I just don't have time to record any these days. I wish I could afford studio time each weekend, go in and do my drum tracks, then go back and do the guitars on my laptop like I've been doing. But alas, I'm broke as hell - and digitally sequence all drums tracks on my computer before doing the guitars and such.

One thing I'm not confident about is my song writing ability. I think that my literature class will help me here... I've never been a big reader, and my general demeanor is quite cynical and sarcastic - which for the music I'm trying to make, I just don't feel like it sync's up. So, while studying poetry, and doing a presentation comparing Billy Corgan's poems to his lyrics, I'm hoping to get a better grasp of looking at things poetically and in ways that can illicit a beautiful picture in someone's head.

In other news, I'm trying to find a company to design some packaging for. My services will be free and only used as a means of a grade. If they choose to use it, great, but no matter what, they aren't obligated to anything and it's totally free. I just need permission to use the trademark. I was dealt the liquor card, so if anyone knows of any bar owners, liquor store owners or anything of that nature, by all means, let me know and I'll explain further to you... OH, and it has to be a C-level business (aka, not Smirnoff or any company that already has their design work cut out for them).

My weekend will be kinda hectic. I want to try and record a song - maybe 2 if I can REALLY push the drum sequencing to its max, but I HIGHLY doubt it. I also messed up the new recording of the first demo and also added a new guitar part to it, so ONCE AGAIN, I have to re-do it. What can I say? I told you guys they're just demos. I'm going to stop calling them that. That term to me implies a rough, yet completed, project. From here out, these are to be called thumbs - simple ideas that can remain the same to completion or completely change/be taken away at a moments notice.

With that, I would suggest that when I post from now on, you right click, and save target as, if you like something I post.

My music is very important to me - between work and school, it's one of the few creative outlets I have left that I have complete control over, and I plan to make it as good as I can in the confines I'm given.

Anyway, enough of that cliche musician crap...

I have a birthday party tomorrow night for someone where I won't know any of his friends. Some songs to record. Some people to hang out with. Some homework to design and complete. Some reading and research on a singer from a band that I'm OBSESSED with at the moment that wrote a poetry book.

I'm being kept busy, and I love it - I'm just a little tired, hehe. Still keeping with the working out, though, and haven't missed a beat at work or school, so this is good. Stay tuned guys, it'll be worth it.

Have a good weekend, bitches!

posted by grey as mike @ 10:50 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

first

I think i've used that title before, but I really don't care - it's pertinent to what I'm talking about today...

Why does everyone have to be the first to do something, and then why do we brag about it? Usually I find that it just pisses everyone else off, and then they grow tiresome (almost immediately) of your nose all high up in the air, as if you're looking down on the others that found something first.

I do it all the time. Sometimes it's just joking around... actually, most times. But credit for introducing someone to someone else just takes away the glory of what it was in the first place. Why try to steal someone else's thunder? Why try to piss all over someone's Wheaties after eating a nice Asparagus dinner? (Does anyone even eat Wheaties anymore? I think they're just around so that sports stars can take photos for the box...)

Anyway, people need to get over themselves - after hearing it the first time that you were here when this band did its last show, or I was there when they started out, etc., the jealousy factor wears off, and then you're just gloating, which makes YOU look like the idiot. Make sense?

So here's how my life is going these days:

1) not enough sleep
2) too much schoolwork already
3) oh my GOD, I don't get enough sleep
4) a general happy elevated mood that's hidden by a stressed out face and demeanor
5) "good times" theme song

There you have it people. I'm out for the day...

posted by grey as mike @ 9:22 AM 1 comments

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Name: grey as mike
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