| Friday, March 31, 2006 |
| ramble |
music is everything
and everything is music.
the soul of everything
flows in a pattern of
notes and scales.
life comes through in music
and music creates a life its own
while the street players
sing the blues
and those less fortunate
praise our brains with
lovely thoughts
evocative thoughts
angry thoughts
sad and lonely thoughts.
He watched them play
and felt their work
burn through his body
and his mind.
He wrote what the music
told him to write.
He wrote until he couldn't
write anymore.
He wrote until his dying day
and became an icon
because the music ran
through his veins.
He doesn't write anymore
but the music lives on...
---
I feel it running through my body
it tingles at times...
microscopic in nature
but you see it and feel it
and it never leaves your head.
for me, it's not there
but for others, it is
and they're scared and confused.
Sometimes I get scared and confused, too.
sometimes I just want to
cry alone in my room
but instead I do it in public
and keep it under my skin
hidden DEEP inside where no one
will ever see it.
maybe someone will see it one day...
maybe someday I'll be brave enough
to expose myself to another and maybe even
another after that.
maybe someday I won't care
and everyone will go to hell...
And I'll be the one sending them there.
---
I'm in a somber mood today. No plans for the weekend, as usual. *sigh* I really just wish I didn't have so much stuff going on, and I could just hang with friends and grab a beer. Now I just feel weird calling most of them... I haven't talked to some in well over 6 months. The person I'm supposedly "seeing" I have seen a total of 8 times in 2 months, and only one of those times was in an intimate setting (and no, nothing happened). I'm a glutton for punishment...
I was reading an article the other day about workaholics. I don't feel that I fit into this category. I do normally have a lot going on, and I try to do the best that I can at all of it, but when it's break time, I'm not thinking about any of it. I'm relaxing and that's that. I don't come into work on the weekends, and constantly do everything at once. I just do what I can, and that's the best I can do.
Lately I feel like the best I can do is less than the best others can do. Makes it hard to get up and workout in the mornings. My brain may be on auto-pilot most of the times these days, but my heart still feels and my brain still thinks...
I guess this is all on my mind today.
The first poem is about the author August Wilson... I saw a documentary yesterday in class about him, and he was talking about influences - I related to what he said, and felt it was a perfect addition for the poetry book to relate to the classwork. Yesterdays poem is about the short story "Blight" from the book "The Coast of Chicago" by Dybek. I very much so related to the story, and am at kind of a similar place as the main character, so I wrote about that as well.
The other poem today is me thinking that things can be worse. Last year, I did a photography project where I followed around 5 guys with HIV for an hour or 2, and took pictures. I was going through a breakup when I finished it, and couldn't understand why I was so upset after looking at these 5 people (varying in age from 24 to mid-40's) and seeing what they go through everyday. The grass is always greener, and I hate feeling this way when I know it could be worse - but I can't really help it, either.
This isn't to say I'm in a bad mood, per se - because I'm not. I just have a lot on my head, and hate feeling guilty that I haven't talked with friends in so long, and have no plans for the weekend, and can't seem to have a normal dating situation, and to balance school and work on top of all that - it's just a lot to think about at once.
I will say this... F the Pink Line. I will refuse to take it... I hate the color pink, I hate the singer Pink, PINK PLAIN OUT SUCKS MY !%!^*$. I rarely ever have to take the blue line as it is, so I'm not TOO worried about it. But still... Out with the pink, in with anything other than pink. It could be the Mauve line, or Aqua line... anything but pink.
Last night on the bus, this chick got up, and had no control of her earbud headphones or umbrella hanging from her backpack. She hit like 3 people as she swung around 2 or 3 times looking for the umbrella, and the earbuds nearly knocked me in the temple. Some gay guys were laughing their ass off about it. I thought it was funny, too... What a bitch!
Speaking of bitches - I got nothing after that...
I got nothing at all. So I'm outta here... |
posted by grey as mike @ 10:37 AM  |
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| Wednesday, March 29, 2006 |
| crossroads |
I am at a crossroad
the past is the past
and distant in memory
yet so close to my heart
it pulls at the strings
making me vulnerable
and strong at the same time.
The future is a blurry mess
way ahead and far away
with lights that don't seem
to get any closer
and time standing still
no matter how long I chase
or how much progress I make.
What a huge crossroad I am at.
It doesn't seem to end
and the past is the past
and future is distant
so I'm stuck in the now.
some would call that limbo,
I guess they'd be right.
I know who I am and what I'm doing
I know where I came from
but I don't feel secure
and I'm lost in my own setting
as if amnesia has set in
and everyday tasks are familiar
but everything around me is strange.
It's a serene feeling, this
auto-pilot mentality.
I don't have to think about things
I just do them
Like a robot
designed with human parts
and purchased as a human experiment.
Another beer, please, bartender...
---
So, this morning I was working out, and I got a bloody nose. But it wasn't really bloody - it had some blood in it, but it was as if water just fell out of my nose. VERY disgusting, and confusing - that has never happened before. I know it's dry in my apartment, but... that's weird. A call to the doctor might be in order.
I feel weird today. Everything is up in the air, and everything is kinda insane, and I'm not sure where to fit myself into all of this. I just need one thing to be normal right now, and then I'd be okay... I need a ROCK, damnit!
So I didn't feel good yesterday, so I drove to class - $6 for parking. Not too bad, it's tempting to do it again, but I have to be constrained... $6 a pop can add up FAST! It's also cash only, so... that would deplete my on-hand resources pretty fast.
Nothing much else to report. I suppose I'll be talking with you all later... |
| posted by grey as mike @ 10:05 PM |
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| under |
Under all the mess
is clean
a clean that sparkles
so much that it
makes boy bands
dance with jazz hands
and slutty pop singers
flutter about on stage.
under all that clean
is a lemon scent
so odorous and foul
that men run from
my house
and women plug their
noses while
holding them high in the air.
Think you're better than me?
Under all that self-doubt
is a confidence
that screams to all the boy bands
and all those slutty pop-singers
and all those men and women
with their noses so high
and says
FUCK
YOU
!
Ugh, I feel under the weather...
---
I suppose I'm in an odd place this AM. Lots of things are going on, and I'm not sure how to process them. I should be excited about some things, and other things I get excited about are ill-received, and that's just no good.
I just hope that those who oppose me die, and then I'll be free to rule the world and smite those that question me. That would be cool...
Design... what a crock sometimes, eh? |
| posted by grey as mike @ 10:37 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 28, 2006 |
| frustration |
I wish my downstairs neighbor wasn't the "serial murderer" type, because then I wouldn't be afraid to go down there and ask him to turn down his music. Not that I'm not into trying to write a paper while the loudest opera music to ever be played EVER is coming from the apartment below mine...
Oh wait, I'm not into that because FUCK THAT. |
| posted by Megan @ 10:18 PM |
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| clandestine |
Why must everything
be so muddled?
The point of muddling
is to build character
through life lessons
and tribulation...
clandestine...
what a pretty word
that connotates such
evil and deceit.
evil...
HA!
Aint that some shit?
---
Yes folks - there you have it. My latest rambling from the brain. Sometimes they just flow from me like the trail of old sperm that will always inevitably lead you to Paris Hilton. Ya know, cause she's a dirty slut-whore?
I have a call in 14 minutes now. well, 13 and some seconds now... WAIT, 13 now, and now 12 and some seconds... I just want to keep you guys up to date.
I have to make an ad today for my class tonight - it's for Onion Rings. Cause... well, I don't know why, and I hate onion rings. I do like the outer "ring," if you will, but the actual greasy onion - I usually pull that out and only eat the outside.
I think I could make a lot of money if I found a way to make the onion ring without the onion. MMMMM... HOT DAMN!!!
Pearl Jam is getting a listen on my ipod now - Apparently my own time period produces not enough music to my liking, so I have to listen to the 90's, and then 90's. OH MY GOD, 90's!
I don't know what I'm talking about anymore - I just know that I hate stuff, and stuff sucks. So you all have a good day now, and I'll talk to you later! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:43 AM |
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| Thursday, March 23, 2006 |
| sick |
It's confirmed... I am sick. And it sucks...
I am a giant child when it comes to sickness, so I'm crabby and finicky.
I can say I think it's on its way out, but one can never be too sure if it's just a good amount of sleep and the acetaminophen making me think things that aren't really true. Time will tell... and things could be worse.
Although I did watch TV and laughed last night, and also just had a small pow-wow with some cohorts here at work. So the mental capacity is on the mend, but still... Time will tell.
I guess that's all from me, folks. Have a good one, and take vitamin C and don't get sick like me... |
| posted by grey as mike @ 11:39 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 22, 2006 |
| week |
I should've just taken this week off work - I could sleep in (not that I'm not doing that anyway) and get things done around the house that DESPERATELY need getting done. It would also help me to relax, I dunno.
Last night we went to Socca - relatively uneventful. I did take a bath beforehand because my muscles are ACHING STILL (!!!) and my allergies have me all congested and stuffy. It helped quite a bit. The Eucalyptus Body Oil that I squirted in the water was also a nice touch to help things out.
Things are so average right now - it's got me feeling bored. I'm confused about some things, and have a daunting pile of other things to work on... It's like, wtf? Makes me want to take a nap - which I might do this afternoon before my workout.
I will say this, though - while my muscles hurt and ache, it's great to get back into working out. It always makes me feel better, and gives me this peaceful calm in my head. I really would suggest it to everyone. Seriously...
I'm not very poetic today, so none of that - some would argue that I'm not poetic at all - well, fuck those people. I do what I do, and if you don't like it, well... you don't - I can't please all you friggin people all the time, damnit!
I guess that's all that I've got today. Pretty boring life I'm leading these days... Ah well...
C'est la vie... |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:46 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 21, 2006 |
| think |
I used to think
what if other people
could read my thoughts
see my fears in the open
pick apart my psyche
until the inevitable insane
label was stamped on my
forehead.
I used to think
that when people read my mind
their own mind would explode
at the raw emotion and turmoil
in my head
I used to think
that I cared about these things
until I stopped having things to hide
and stopped making myself out to be
more than I really was
All I am is human
and all humans do is hide.
---
So I'm bored again today. I was wondering about varied things going through my head, but they're kind of gone at the moment, and I have this serenity/peace of mind going right now (and yes, that is peace and not piece).
My upper body is KILLING me! I went to the gym last night - I wasn't feeling up to it, but decided to pick up where I left off, which has left me in a painful manner today - CAN'T WAIT FOR LATER!!!
Tonight I'm hangin with Tim - should be good times. Time will tell.
Last night, I hung with Karl - He needed some goods that I was able to provide him, and then we jib-jabbed about design work and such. Overall, I was glad to see him, and also glad that he's doing design work that's good. Then I watched cartoons until I fell asleep. That brings us to this morning. The weather change has me congested - no good. Tea and soup for me - I also had some sushi to make sure I'm at least getting nutrition.
But I'm calm and serene and things are good overall right now. I still have lots on the plate to take care of, but it's all good - in due time!
Later! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 12:12 PM |
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| Monday, March 20, 2006 |
| repair |
And now comes Spring Break, in which I will repair my fragile psyche with exercise and relaxation.
I must say that I'm a bit put off at the moment - I'm not really, nor have ever been, a fan of the rumor mill. Every so often, I find myself sticking my nose into one, but on the whole, I really just think it's disrespectful. Someone told me something that has me paranoid about the person I'm dating, and that's not cool.
I guess I already knew it, and it's not a big deal, but it's still like... What the fuck? Why even butt your ass into my business? Stupid... And seriously, it's not a big deal at all... I'm not mad or pissed or anything, but just hate having stupid rumors and shit floating around in my head, cause they're hard to shake...
So the weekend was well - Friday was dinner with Tim, Saturday was cleanup day and dinner with Paul, then I stayed at my parents house to watch my niece. Sunday I came home to a meeting at minibar, then went to the Chicago Diner with my friend Amanda. After I got home and put all the laundry away, I watched TV, then went to Indulge Sunday at Minibar (the event that I did some design work for). That pretty much brings us up to speed.
Very productive. I also made MANY strides music wise - VERY COOL! I have 1.5 songs down - I say that because both are about .75 of the way done - it's all minor tweaks and pulls at this point. So that was exciting.
Anyway, I guess I'm at work, so I should look like I'm doing something. You all have a good day now! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 8:52 AM |
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| Friday, March 17, 2006 |
| best |
I'm drunk
Sitting on the couch
on a friday night
what the shit is that?
i was just out to dinner
we had sushi
it was fishy
then we went to a bar
the bar was a lesbian bar
but there were mostly men
and the one i was with
he gave me the best 10 minutes
i've ever had
made me clear in my head
and clear in my heart
i hope the next 10 minutes
last a lifetime |
| posted by grey as mike @ 10:27 PM |
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| Thursday, March 16, 2006 |
| update |
Last Thursday started out stupid and rainy and ended with the drummer from Oh My God staying at my apartment. Lots of things took place in between. Obviously. The drive out to DeKalb wasn't bad. Arrived at the venue late in order to avoid seeing the opening bands but the first of four was still playing... we had gone to see number four. So we just played Scrabble through the first three. Oh My God was fucking great. They played a few new songs, including one I'd never heard before. After their set we were invited to have a beer with Billy. That led us to their creepy dressing room in a murderous basement. It was there that we also met Bish, aka houseguest. We were delighted to discover that he shares many of the same qualities as us... namely sarcasm. And I thought the guy never talked. But in a strange turn of events, phone numbers were exchanged and eventually used, as we picked him up upon our return to Chicago. We spent some time reading from the Encyclopedia of Sexual Knowledge (copyright 1934) that we had gotten from a dumpster. The night ended with the three of us falling asleep on the couch while watching Wet Hot American Summer. A good time was had by all.
Can I just say that it's 6:30 PM and our mail was just delivered? Lazy.
The Gaelic Storm show wasn't as insane as expected. But it was insane Irish-style. Whatever that means.
I ran some errands today and ended up seeing the draggest drag queen I've ever seen. Holy Jesus. I wish I'd had a camera.
I don't think I've expressed my hatred for the Fox network yet. They took the 5 PM Simpsons off and replaced it with Yes, Dear. I'd like to know who was behind that decision so I could punch him or her in the face.
Okay, I'm out of here. I have about 256 things to do. |
| posted by Megan @ 6:50 PM |
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| light |
When I look around at my surroundings
I see myself separated from them.
Separate from people, furniture,
distant and out of touch.
This isn't a bad thing
It's the result of shyness
like a beaten puppy who wants
so badly to trust and be normal
but is skeptical and weary.
I make the bed I lie in
I fluff the pillows
I try to relax on it, but that
just messes it up.
One has to stay alert
and go and go and go and go
until his heart stops
and even then, he keeps going.
Because...
There's light at the end of every tunnel
and that's what we chase.
The better life, the end-goal - we NEED it
then we get it, and OH BOY, do we get it!
But it's just a sliver...
a sliver of light at the end of every tunnel
a lifetime of slivers at the end of everyday
an everyday that lasts a lifetime
---
That's something I was thinking about this morning. I'm kind of a loner... A rebel, if you will ;-). Not really. I do have a good support of people behind me, I just have a lot of self-doubt. I want things in my life to be perfect, and when that doesn't work out, I get weary and skeptical. I think this is what's made me a wee bit shy over the past 4 or 5 years.
I used to be insanely, annoyingly social. My hair flowed from my scalp over 3/4 of the way down my back, and I would go to Denny's and be amongst my Heavy Metal/Hardcore/Punk/White Trash cohorts. I would get so hopped up on Caffiene, that they would contemplate how the biker guy at the other side of the table was going to kill me, and that it would be funny and great all at once.
Fuck that guy, btw... Hells Angel wannabe MF!
Either way, In a stride for something better, I cut the hair, joined the workforce (even though I was technically already in it), and stopped hanging out with those guys. In the meantime, I've had many a brush with people that are just not worth it to even talk about, and it's left me jaded a bit, as I think happens with a lot of people.
So I was thinking about all this, and it was like... We go through all these things in life that are hard hard HARD work, and it's all for this little sliver of light at the end of every tunnel. We do this until we die, and yet, that's what makes life good for us...
Now, the reason I explain this, is because I don't think this is my best work - but it could be misconstrued as having negative connotation - it doesn't, it's just looking at the state of things and looking at the good of that. If that makes sense.
Here's another thing:
Fuck Denny's!
So... Today is a midterm in Literature class. We'll see how that goes. Then dinner with my friend Paul. We'll see how everything turns out - I'll keep you all posted. |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:56 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 15, 2006 |
| recap |
So, all in all, things are back to normal. Let me explain the state of things, and why it's pretty much my own fault...
I have to move on June 30. This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't in the middle of school for the summer at that date. My roommate's parents own the condo. At the end of my lease last year, he said he might move after he graduates, and that they would sign a 9-month lease instead of the full year, with a month-to-month for 3 months after that in case he didn't move.
The problem that I'm having is 2-fold. First, I should never have agreed to that. I was so blinded by not wanting to move again, that I pretty much did whatever I could to avoid it. I should have just not agreed to it, and then they either would've done a full year, or I would've moved, and then my life would be that much easier right now. So the bulk of my anger is at myself for being a pushover and allowing shit like this to happen in the first place.
Second, and this is the minor part that irks me, is that my roommate's girlfriend, if he doesn't move, is going to move in. That's fine, and I'm actually happy for them that it's working out like that, BUT... her name isn't mentioned in the lease. She can extend her current lease to whenever she wants (so she's told me), but my roommate doesn't seem to care about how busy I will be and is pretty stern on the whole June 30 thing, whether he moves or not.
I've been having issues with the roommate lately because I just feel like he's way too spoiled for his own good. He seems to get what he wants, when he wants it, and when I have to work my ass off for the same things, it irks me. That's not his fault, it's mine, but when he doesn't seem to really care about anything going on with anyone other than himself, it just makes me think he's selfish, and that IS his fault. Sorry if you're reading this, buddy - It's what I'm feeling right now.
Here's the gist - I'm an idiot for agreeing to a 9month lease, the gf isn't part of the lease AND can stay where she is in the interim, and if he doesn't move, I shouldn't have to either until October, or at least school is complete for me (and that is per the lease agreement).
So there you have it... I'm not arguing anything... Maybe I'm being the selfish one, but maybe it's my turn to be selfish for once, instead of getting screwed over yet again...
Megan, I'm glad my ramblings are getting through to someone. I'll probably put them into a book and hand them in for a grade in Literature Class. I don't know if I'll have the recording studio stuff done by mid-May, so perhaps a book of poetry would work... who knows.
Hey - I should buy a 3bed condo and have you and Jenny rent from me in it. HA - wouldn't that be interesting? But it probably wouldn't happen, so I'm not even going to bring it up.
I will probably buy a condo, though. Everything is a bit crazy at the moment, but it's all good. I'm tired of moving, and I want something that I can stay in for a little while, without fucked up leases and selfish roommates (and that's actually being said for almost all the roommates I've had). And I'm fully aware that I'm probably a selfish roommate to them, and I'm okay with that... :-). Not that I'm anti-roommate. Thus far, my roommate and I have gotten along, and my last roommate (although only for 4 months) and I got along fine. I guess I'm just tired of this shit...
In other news:
Ice Cube will be playing Mr. Kotter in a movie adaptation of the TV series.
Now, if you could please re-read that sentence - I'll even do it for you with corrected emphasis:
ICE CUBE... will be PLAYING... MR. KOTTER... (Mr. Kotter)... in a movie adaptation of the TV series.
Okay... with that, I will let you all on with your day. |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:34 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 14, 2006 |
| safe |
I can safely say that I'm not as upset as I was yesterday. I'm still upset at the general state of the situation that I've put myself into, but I've accepted my fate and now can only prepare well in advance. I'm already on that path...
No poetry (or whatever you want to call it) today, as I've been working on school things and such. Nothing too out of the ordinary here - hope that you are all having more fun than me.
Talk later! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 12:39 PM |
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| Monday, March 13, 2006 |
| end-week |
I'm not in a bad mood today, but not a good one, either. My summer is going to be a little f-ed up here, and I'm not happy about it. It doesn't have to be, but I'm too tired to argue with selfish people. I feel like nothing but a push-over. At least I get a good life-lesson of who and what to stay away from everytime these things happen. Kinda sad when it has to come to that. I'm not going to place the blame, it's my fault, too... that's why I'm a pushover and will be for the duration of things.
Megan, I pretty much forgot everything my Dad did this weekend, so... Can't really help you out with that stuff anymore. Hope the shows were good with your Mom, though.
Why can't anything just be clear? There's so much f-ing grey area all the time - NOTHING is ever clear. I could have a pile of garbage in front of me, and a pile of diamonds, and only being able to choose one, would probably find a reason to STILL take days to figure it out and regret my decisions. Why is that? Dating, school, career, life, death... it's all so damn murky - it feels like a lake that looks muddy and full of leeches, so you don't want to swim in it, but you do anyway. I can't help but think - what's the point?
And no, that doesn't mean I'm suicidal or anything like that - it just means that I don't get it. Perhaps I just see my friends, most of whom are older, with jobs they love, and things that keep them grounded, or seeing my younger friends somehow getting things done a lot easier than I seem to. Do I make it harder for myself on purpose so I can feel like crap and then bitch about it? Have I just dealt myself a bad deck of cards and now have to pay the price? I just don't get it, I'm not sure where I fit into all of this...
Anyway...
Here's some random scribblings:
okay, to start
the 2 goes there, so another 2 goes
there
if the 3 goes there, then 7
follows
wait, what about 9? where does 9
go?
if i put the 5 here, and the 6 there
that leaves room for another 7 here
and a 4 over here
then i can put all the 1's in each box
which makes the 8's multiply into their
own boxes, then the 6's fall into place
and VIOLA!
pathetic.
---
80-90mph on the road
celebration in the past
celebration in the future
it's all the same
it's raining outside.
I remember once as a youth
sitting inside while it was
raining, and feeling like it was
controlling me and my actions.
I stood up defiant, and ran outside
into the yard my dad so proudly
maintained to the greenest green
and ran around, and fell doing flips
and slipping on everything
ruining the grass
along with my clothes and
fear.
No rain storm would keep me
down from that point on.
That was over a decade ago.
I didn't think I would live this
long back then.
now it rains everyday inside
and celebrations of life
are soaking on the coatrack
with the soul of a 13 year old boy
as fearless as nature
and niave as a 26 year old man.
---
The future is the enemy
but is it really?
does it make the world go around?
Does it make us greedy and soul-less?
Do I make you soul-less?
I know that I give you
what you deserve and
I make you what you are
I, myself, have the soul of the sphinx
standing proud,
but weathering away as
time carries on
I have the energy of an old man
sleeping away his golden years
on a worn-down chair that used to
act as a reading station for now-grown children.
I have the tenacity of 20 lions
caged in a zoo, eating store bought butcher cuts
of beef after a tranquilizer dart mellows
them out.
I'm as grey as a sun
and as sunny as a brick of charcoal
I am the future
as bright and bleak as you can
make me
but you can't make me anything...
that's the way destiny works.
---
A busride becomes
still.
I feel your hand grabbing mine
from within my coat pocket,
as if to hide your affection from the others
on the bus.
You're telling me about something,
maybe it's work or family related
but I'm not listening.
All I hear is your voice,
and that's all I want.
For 10-20 seconds, Everyone
disappears,
and then, in a flash,
I become VERY aware of them.
The slightest glance, and I
know that we aren't accepted by them
and our touch is taboo
and my timeless vision
is diminished and belittled
by my own fears
and your voice,
finishing me. |
| posted by grey as mike @ 12:00 PM |
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| Sunday, March 12, 2006 |
| sunday |
Yes. It is Sunday, and I am already bored.
I'm going to meet my friend Tim for Brunch, and then my friend Chris for coffee later this afternoon.
Megan, I've got plenty of insanity to tell you about with my parents last night...
alright churrens - have a good sunday. |
| posted by grey as mike @ 11:14 AM |
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| Friday, March 10, 2006 |
| habit |
we range in humanity
as creatures of habit
that wander around in search of
the next fix and next obsession
but when do we stop to see
that we're obsessed and move
on to the next obsession
and when does obsession become
fickle and morose and boring.
fuck hollywood - especially lindsey lohan.
I'm extremely bored today people. I can't even express this to you in words that you could understand. The ones inside my head are like slow and stupid... it's kind of like if you could take a record that is playing, and melt it at the same time - you'll get this noise that's distorted and slow and choppy - and those are the words that describe my boredom today.
I didn't bring a backpack with me today - instead, just a paper and my ipod, and I planned to do a non-school, non-anything day. Now I just feel stupid cause I have music and stuff to work on as well, so... guess that throws my whole idea.
I did not go to the Oh My God concert last night. I'm just not in the mood lately for shows. I want to be, but since I'm really working on this latest set of music to turn in for my class, I'm not really focusing on other bands - or at least bands that are still together.
Which reminds me, I got the go-ahead from the teacher to do the music project for the class - tax write-off, here I come! The packaging is yet to be seen - to do the tunnel book idea efficiently, I think I would have to spend a few thousand dollars just for 100 covers. I have a teacher that does book making and paper making - perhaps she can instruct me in ways to do something like this. Otherwise, I have some ideas and tricks up my sleeve for a well designed cover.
I suppose that's all from me today. I'm going out for a birthday dinner with my friend Tim tonight to one of 2 places that he's choosing (I'm nervous, cause we all know how picky an eater I really am). Tomorrow I'm going to my sisters to practice drums for the album (oh my god, the ideas are flowing - I'm becoming optimistic), and then we're all going out with my parents for my birthday. Sunday I'm hanging out with my friend Chris, but just for coffee. Overall, it should be a pretty cool weekend - busy, but relaxing at the same time.
Hope you all have something similar! Cheers! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 11:04 AM |
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| Thursday, March 09, 2006 |
| list |
1. Yanni's arrest is quite possibly the best thing that's happened this week... and during my lifetime, for that matter.
2. It could stop raining about three hours ago.
3. Why is Arrested Development the funniest fucking show I've ever seen?
4. The construction on Chicago Avenue already makes me wants to kill myself and they just started it. You would think that because it's down to one lane in each direction, maybe people would decide not to arbitrarily cross the street at non-crosswalks. But if anything, the blocking-off of one half of the street just seems to invite this kind of behavior. People need to stop with that shit because I just don't have time for it.
5. I seriously don't remember what my life was like before Jeopardy! (To clarify, that's a statement and not an exclamation.)
6. Tonight is the Oh My God show in DeKalb and the second of three shows I'm attending this week. First was Nada Surf on Sunday, which was slightly disappointing. I think I just wasn't in a show mood either. But I must say, Rogue Wave was fantastic. I'm also going to see Gaelic Storm on Saturday with my mother. I'm sure I won't be able to NOT blog about the insanity that takes place that night. I'll keep you posted. |
| posted by Megan @ 5:38 PM |
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| good |
The fliers are good - so good times for that.
I will be ordering business cards from this company - 5000 of them is $100 - DIRT CHEAP!
I still have some business to attend to for this company, and that's fine. For now, I'm just glad the fliers worked and things are going okay for the moment. My birthday week hasn't been TOTALLY stressing and things are generally good. Good times.
Yea. |
| posted by grey as mike @ 2:44 PM |
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| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 |
| drone |
I can honestly not even begin to tell you, my ones of readers, how bored I am today. I feel like someone slipped me sleeping pills, and now I'm trying to keep myself awake so I don't get fired from my job. Ugh!
And so it goes...
My mood is better the last couple of days. My week is nowhere NEAR as bad as it was last week, so I am getting some rest.
Btw, Happy Birthday Karl - I know you probably don't read this blog, but if you ever do - know that you are in my thoughts today!
I went out for drinks with my friend Brad last night for my birthday - it was fun, we shot the shit about dating and design. Thank you, Mr. Brad.
My Minibar postcards should be delivered today - They were on the truck for delivery as of 3:22AM (and yes, that is AM), and they've been telling me all along to expect them today. I will not get them, though - they are going to the bar, and I will not have time to inspect them or anything - so for all I know, they are total crap, or the best cards ever printed. Who knows?!?
I also finished up some other design work I'm trying out for them. The magazine ad will be in Boi Magazine (aka, gay softcore free porn, available for free at doorways to Boystown restaurants and shops). I guess it's pretty cool that I'm getting some stuff published for my first real design gig. I feel lucky, and nervous and crazy all at the same time. C'est la vis...
Freelancing, here I come - or maybe not - who knows. Guess it depends if my stuff is good or not, eh? I'll post something for you soon.
Tonight's class is Graphic Design - it's a working session. Those can be cool cause I get stuff done, but also am not pressured to present or any of that miscellaneous crap. I'll be leaving early and doing the whole Minibar thing tonight. Should be interesting to see how these cards turn out...
Anyway, I guess that is all - 20 minutes of filler and typing in an otherwise completely empty and mindless day at the office. Later churrens! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 3:48 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 07, 2006 |
| happy |
Happy F*@#in Birthday to me! WOOOOO!!! 26!!! F YEAHHHHHHHHHH!
NEVER!
I plan to do nothing today, and that will be that. Perhaps a trip over to hog anus for a beef, but otherwise, nada.
a journey through a tunnel
leads me to a roadway
that leads me to a path
that leads me to a sidewalk
that leads me to a stream
that leads me to an ocean
that leads me to a waterslide
that leads me back to the tunnel where
I started
cyclical
predictable
stupid and undesireable
able and disable
undress and clothe the self
in cycles
stupid |
| posted by grey as mike @ 10:42 AM |
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| Monday, March 06, 2006 |
| nada |
Went and saw Nada Surf last night at Metro. The show was okay. I really wasn't in a show kind of mindset, so it might have been better if I were a little less stressed out.
Overall, I am doing okay - I just have a lot on my plate, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm the typical Pisces who wants to just leave everything where it is, not finishing anything, in order to restore peace in my surroundings. This is not to say that I'm not going to finish anything - cause I am, but I'm just saying...
This whole music thing lately with me. I'm just not confident. I mean, I know I can play, and I know I can write a song, but I just don't think I do either well enough to live up to my own standards. That thinking could either make something really good, or throw me into a depression beyond words knowing that I'm failing at one of the only things I actually enjoy doing.
I think that's why I get poetic lately about time and crashing - Cause in the midst of all this stuff, I'm taking on another project, and that is insane. I must be a glutton for punishment.
a single rose breaks the monotony of
a dirty street
its stem trampled and leaves crushed
but the leaves are a vibrant red
a resiliant red
on one side of the street, a boy who
is lost and out of options
on the other side is a faceless being that
makes us all wish we
we better
the rose is a connection to
something that doesn't exist
and the rose itself is unattainable in
non-stop go go go go go go go of
traffic
what a waste for the man that
sells flowers.
Anyway, I'm gonna get outta here and try my hand at some design work. Then I'll do some typography homework and then have to run to the financial aid office at Columbia.
Later |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:22 AM |
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| Friday, March 03, 2006 |
| timely |
What the fuck is up with my obsession with time lately? It's like, I don't have any, so I'm getting all poetic about it? Stupid... self.
I just got into work, and I'm feeling... well, I'm actually not feeling much. My week was so busy that I barely did anything but try not to drown. Drown (by the smashing pumpkins) is my favorite song of all time. Everytime I say the word, I think of that angry, grinding feedback against that soft and melodic bass and drum backbeat... but not "bass and drum" cause this aint no rave...
I had a dream last night that all my plants died. I joke that because I can't have babies, and am too busy for a pet, plants are the only children I have. I wonder if that's somehow connecting to my dream.
My roommate has a hedgehog. Actually, it's his girlfriends, but 'Peanut' is staying with us this week. It's prickly, and apparently keeps biting Taylor, so now I'm afraid of it.
At some point, I'm going to have to say enough is enough... and just fart REALLY loud on the bus - in a specific and deliberate attempt to say "fuck you!" to all the bus riders that day. And I'm going to want it to be STINKY - an odor that stays with someone throughout the day. I want to be the guy that they go to their office and say "Man, some guy farted on the bus this morning, and I can STILL smell it!"
Why? Well... I hate it when I'm on the bus, and I have to hold onto an overhead bar - my arm falls asleep, and then I want to murder everyone. That happened today - so future bus riders will feel (and smell) my wrath, damn it!
As for the poetry thing - I'm going to elaborate a bit here. The teacher has talked with us about poetry, and interpreted works by Bukowski as a group. But he's never told us these different ways of looking at poetry. So when he interjected after my presentation, during the next girl's presentation, I got a little pissed off. He basically helped her get a better grade, while I just got comments on my paper that he never told us before.
We don't have a text book or anything, it's all class reading and discussion from books. Which is great - I am NOT complaining about that, but I feel slighted about this. He should've talked about this stuff before we even started reading.
And apparently I read poetry like Indiana Jones - I really and totally and honestly don't know what that means. Does it mean I sound like Harrison Ford? Is that a horrible thing? Are you only supposed to read poetry in some specific manner, and that manner is not mine? I guess I'm just looking at him like he's a literary snob now - someone that thinks we should just know this stuff, like it's common sense. Cause poetry is always sensical with deeper meanings not just about the author, but society and everything... Yea...
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
You're stupid
die!
Had I not memorized that one poem (which I'll write out below), I would have gotten an 89 - 1pt short of an A. I guess that's still good, but his comments were a little angering to me nonetheless. Here's the poem I memorized:
inside this box i put
my mother's things
false teeth
2 wedding rings
pictures of a beautiful youth
her worn-out couch and window gaze
a razor voice like mine
2 kitty-kats named Trouble and Harmony
75 clocks running backwards
some collector's plates of Oz
but there isn't any music
--Billy Corgan
I thought this was a cool poem - especially since I wrote that thing about clocks with time before. But I guess that's been done many times in cartoons and movies and all kinds of things - It's all about the idea of looking back and making the mundane and traumatic beautiful in some way, I guess.
Ah well... It's all in a days work. I might start my drum stuff this weekend out at my sisters house in Geneva - quite a hike, yes, but I need to get some of this stuff off my mind. The poetry I've been writing has been prepping me for writing lyrics, and I want to get some really cool songs made - or at least places to start from. It seems as though I'll make a song, and then I'll hate it. With my design work, I can step away from it and let others really get their fingers into it. With music, I don't know... Is it that personal to me that I just don't feel I can accurately portray what I want into it? Should I just become the D'Arcy/Kris Novaselic/left-handed-bassist that just plays along with whatever someone else writes? Perhaps I should restring my bass, and grow long blonde hair... Maybe a sex change is in order. If it works for D'Arcy and Kim Gordon, it can work for me, damnit!
Work time - later! |
| posted by grey as mike @ 8:34 AM |
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| Thursday, March 02, 2006 |
| crash |
I was standing at the bus stop today after class, as I normally do. Cars were wizzing by about 2.5 feet in front of me, and I would venture to say that they were going upwards of 40-50mph. I didn't move at all, though. Once, a really clean one went by and I saw my reflection for a split second. It was a little on the crazy side.
Later during the bus ride, I imagined what it would be like if a car just rammed as fast as it could into the side of the bus while I was in it. This is a recurring vision I have when I'm riding the bus. Weird, huh?
Tonight I did a poetry presentation on Billy Corgan. My overall score was 109 out of 100. I got 20 extra credit points for memorizing a poem of his. Here's why I am angry. First off, I'm not going to contest the grade, so get that idea out of your heads now. But here's what happened:
1) I did the presentation. I thought it was okay, not great, but good enough for a decent grade.
2) The girl after me went. halfway through her FIRST poem, he interjects and says something about how we should be talking about poetry. He has NEVER done this, cause it's all interpretation. Then we were all afraid to talk about it out loud, and he knocked me points for the way I talked about them, when he never said anything, and then totally gave that girl advice in the middle of her presentation - not affecting her.
3) He said I read like Indiana Jones. WHAT?!?!?
No matter how far ahead I feel I get, or how interesting I try to make something, it just doesn't work out. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. On the bus last night, I came up with this poem-esque thing (I don't even want to call it poetry since my teacher so badly chastized us about what a poem is and how to interpret it)
my life is in motion
but i'm not going anywhere
so if time passes with motion
and i'm going nowhere
is time standing still?
passing
but not in motion?
or am i regressing
to a life of clocks
that never see the light of day...
yea... not great, but an idea.
mike |
| posted by grey as mike @ 10:45 PM |
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| Wednesday, March 01, 2006 |
| flourish |
sometimes in life
we flourish
then in a fell swoop
we die inside
we become all that we hate
and all that we love
becomes all that we hate
and all that we feel
is all that we hate
is that all what we can hate?
sometimes i look at the floor
of the L
and think that at any time
the train can derail and
I'd go crashing down to the Earth in
A metal box
later being buried in a wooden one
or maybe being cremated to cut down
on space.
Weird, eh?
something happened last night
in the midst of all this madness
that kept me up WELL past
my bedtime
but sometimes that can turn into a
burden
burdens are no good when I can't
even think without feeling like my soul
is diving into morbid tarpits full of
heat and noxious fumes
the physical being is flourishing
the emotional self is dying
the overall is just getting by
my drive is becoming something
I hate
and I feel hate for it
but is it hate, or is it annoyance?
that's a fine line.
Now I start my day
Chai latte and the design of humanity
to go, please... |
| posted by grey as mike @ 9:32 AM |
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| a blog is no more than than the modern journal for public viewing... |
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Name: grey as mike
Home: Chicago, Illinois, United States
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